Monday, March 31, 2008

something funny for my 11th

Gotta love my brother-in-law, Hunter, for this!

Saturday, March 29, 2008

the 10th

What a lovely surprise!

The awesome hubby decided to surprise me by coming home for the weekend!!
I spoke with him at around 7:30 or so on Friday night and he didn't let on that he was on his way home. At around 11, while watching a movie with my niece and nephew, the front door opens and the hubby walks in. He's definitely thee best! It's so nice to have him home- even for just the weekend. He's heading back to Sac town tomorrow, but back again the next weekend. Love is in the air folks! Especially when your hubby looks like this and is a fireman...

Also, The Friend That Got Away is back in my life. She'll need a new title soon because she no longer is away. It was nice to reconnect over dinner. Even nicer to know that we're still the same with each other. I definitely have had some great times with her in my life and here's to creating even more!
I was never one to give second chances, but I guess I've changed quite a bit.
Cheers to that!

Super Panda

Thursday, March 27, 2008

9th blog

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

the 8th

In lieu of a weary blog from me, I am actually posting on a happy note.
Life is going well. Business is great. Everyone's health is good.
I couldn't ask for anything more at this moment.

Life is GRAND, pretty awesome actually,
Super Panda

Sunday, March 23, 2008

7th blog

As much as I hate for this blog to be seen as some sort of a "woe is me" type of thing, I can't help it since I am at the saddest, lowest point of my life. And since this blog is a reflection of me, then that is what you get. I do apologize in advance for turning off a few readers, however, I cannot stay true to myself by not writing or avoiding how I feel. I am at this moment, without my lover, best friend and most loyal companion and this is the case for the next 3 weeks. He is up north in Sacramento for work, and I am deeply saddened by this. He was my constant source of love and support through this incredibly hard time that I am going through. I am lost at this moment without him.

I feel as if so much has happened to me since the beginning of the year, that I have yet to stand strong and stable that something else comes along and shakes me. I am incredibly vulnerable at this moment, and in need of some tenderness. As much as I put up a bitchy facade, I am, I admit, incredibly sensitive at this moment. I am also incredibly hopeful that the next 3 weeks will zoom by.

Life is GRAND... though a bit of a downer at the moment,
Super Panda

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Day 6- a random thought

I've heard it many times before- I'm not expressing myself clearly.
I'm using pronouns rather than nouns. My better half constantly asks "what do you mean?" In my head, I know exactly what I mean, yet my mouth just does not express it clearly enough.
At times, I feel that I'm at a loss for words- although it doesn't seem like it because I'm constantly spewing out jargon. Perhaps it's not that I'm really at a loss for words, but rather that I just don't know how to say what I mean.
It could be, because I myself don't know what I'm trying to express. Or maybe, just maybe, I'm trying to explain something so profound that no words can clearly depict it. Or maybe, according to Milo, my mouth is just lazy! HA! In more ways than one, that's for sure.

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Day 5- an excerpt from EAT, PRAY, LOVE

"I look at the Augusteum, and I think that perhaps my life has not actually been so chaotic, after all. It is merely this world that is chaotic, bringing changes to us all that nobody could have anticipated. The Augusteum warns me not to get attached to any obsolete ideas about who I am, what I represent, whom I belong to, or what function I may have intended to serve. Yesterday I might have been a glorious monument to somebody, true enough- but tomorrow I could be a fireworks depository. Even in the Eternal City, says the silent Augusteum, one must always be prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation."
- Elizabeth Gilbert

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Day 4

Monday, March 17, 2008

Day 3 (of me writing)

Here's something I found in my latest Glamour- this is me paraphrasing it (and it rings, oh, so true to my heart)...

"Grief lasts so much longer than other people's sympathy and patience."

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Day 2

My heart aches in ways that I cannot fully express. It feels as if it has broken into a million different pieces, and that with each day that passes by, no matter how hard I try to put it all back together, no glue is strong enough to hold it.
I go through each and everyday like a zombie. It's all a mundane routine that keeps me going.
Once the day is over, when I have a moment to just be, all the emotions just come rushing in and I am back at square one- wondering how I can get up and pretend all over again the next day.
I feel a pain that I don't think anyone who has never lost a parent or a loved one feels. It is a pain that cannot be put into words, because there is nothing strong enough, or profound enough to express it. It is a pain so deep and a cut so sharp, that has yet to heal.
Simply put, I miss my dad so much. I never knew it was possible to miss someone this much, or to have your heart yearn for anyone as much as this. In all of the 16 years that I did not see him, I never missed him for one day because the pain and anger that I had towards him sustained me. It's amazing how much more I feel for him once all those negative emotions subsided. They drained from me the moment that I saw him in a hospital bed, unable to move, speak or even open his eyes. Now, that image haunts me, and there is nothing I wouldn't give to have him be alive and be here with me today. The if only's and what if's and the could have's never seem to fade away, but rather just increase in amount. And the loneliness never detaches from me, but rather clings to me, as if for dear life. Oh, what I would give to not feel this way!

Life is Grand... although a bit lonely,
Super Panda

Friday, March 14, 2008

Day 1

I've always been an avid blog reader, most especially when I'm here at work.
I know I should be working, yet my curiosity as to how people live their lives- the going ons, etc. get the best of me. It's part of my usual morning routine- get coffee, get situated at my desk, turn on my computer and proceed to read Perez Hilton and the blogs that I'm fond of.
After a few minutes or so, I am ready for my work day to begin.

I am not a super hero by any means, so don't let the name fool you. Super Panda is a pet name that my dear husband has given me many moons ago. Ok, I made up the super part- because if I do say so myself I am quite SUPER! He just gave me the panda part. So for lack of
a better name for this blog, that's what I came up with.

Anyhow, I've always been a little wary of my writing since I feel as if my sense of humor never shines through. I'm really funny in life- it was a goal that I set out to accomplish when I was in 6th grade, and I've gotten pretty good at making a few people laugh. Perhaps they're laughing at my quirks or randomness, either way, I enjoy hearing the laughter.
But really- back to my writing. I graduated college with a degree in English Lit. (and honors- which I always have to add, simply because I worked my ass off for it) and I'm used to writing formal essays. This blogging thing is definitely a completely different form of writing, something that I'm not totally used to. So for the sole purpose of staying true to myself, and having this blog represent me truly, I will write (or try to) the same way I speak... whatever comes to mind. No censorship- which is the way I work, for the most part.

So here it goes- day 1, blog 1.

Life is Grand!
Super Panda