Monday, December 27, 2010

31 weeks

I think I am now somehow numb again to the life changing effects this baby will have on me. Either that, or I am trying so hard to focus on how great this experience is, that it's totally overshadowing the doubts and fears I have.
I truly hope it's the latter.
Christmas came and went, and well, our household wasn't much prepared for it.
I just couldn't bring myself to decorate this year, or have our annual Christmas party.
Bummer, I know.
Perhaps next year. Actually, next year, I know it will happen. There will be a 10 month old baby for whom I'll be doing all of it for. How's that for motivation?
Meanwhile, here I am on Christmas break trying to get ready. I am now nesting.
I have been cleaning and organizing up a storm.
My husband, I'm sure, is not very enthusiastic about it, since it implicates him in more ways than one. Plus, it highlights all of his messiness.
Yet, I still can't help but love him :)

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

30 weeks

Tomorrow, the hubby and I have our hospital maternity tour.
I booked it so long ago, and have been looking forward to it. However, today, it finally hit me.
Soon, and very soon, this baby is coming. Whether we're ready or not. And now, it's really hitting me, that no matter how hard I try to get ready, I'm never going to be fully prepared. My whole life is about to change, and I'm incredibly scared.
More than I have ever been my entire life.
My whole identity is about to change, if it hasn't already started to. Sometimes I feel like I don't even know myself.