100 things about me (61- 80)

61.) I love to bake and decorate. Perhaps one day, I'll make a career out of it.
62.) I have never lived on a budget- until now. I'm in an experimental phase. God help me at this time. HA!
63.) I tore my ACL on my right knee in high school. It causes me pain to this day- like right now. I hate it.
64.) I'm not a big fan of Thursdays. It's such a useless day.
65.) I LOVE reading blogs. Especially blogs with lots of pictures. Especially foodie blogs.
66.) I hate having cash (the money, not my dog). It seriously goes really fast.
67.) I'm a fan of the TWILIGHT series. I cannot wait for the last book to come out tomorrow night. My book has been pre- ordered.
68.) I'm not a big fan of vegetables. Except brussel sprouts- but they have to be cooked a certain way.
69.) I hate the whole business and pleasure aspect of my job- cause unfortunately, there is no fine line that separates the 2. I'm incredibly bothered by it and need to find a way to really separate it.
70.) I enjoy having my dogs at work with me. It creates a more relaxing, laid back atmosphere.
71.) I am very much looking forward to having tea with my girlfriends this Sunday.
72.) As a child, I used to get my hair permed. I always had a thing for curly hair. Once, when my dad decided I couldn't get it done again, I drew pictures around the house of me with curly hair and posted them everywhere. My dad finally gave in. This is probably the fondest memory I have of me and him. I have tears in my eyes just thinking about it.
73.) As a child, I used to love weekend breakfast with my dad. We would eat outside on a swing set that I had. It had a table in the middle. I always hated it when my dad would invite my mom. It was our time.
74.) I would like to have children before my mom passes. This is INCREDIBLY important to me- especially since she's the only one left.
75.) There are times when I miss my dad terribly. Alot more often than I'd like, to be honest.
76.) I like to ask questions. Tons. I'm curious.
77.) I was an English Lit. major in college. I used to write tons of papers a week. Now, I look back and wonder how I wrote them all.
78.) I find myself becoming more and more domesticated. It doesn't have such a negative connotation anymore. In fact, I'm beginning to like it.
79.) It is my dream to have a strong, core group of girlfriends. I am working towards this dream.
80.) I am into dream interpretation. I believe that the subconscious mind is a powerful thing, and many of its thoughts come into our dreams.

BELLA

Lime Complex Fire

Milo's back out again... home in 2 weeks.

Cake Decorating 1

Today, I got my certificate for Wilton Cake Decorating Course 1.
Here's some pictures of my work. Look at how I've improved :)

I'm also taking Fondant and Gum Paste, and signing up for Cake Decorating 2.

This cake was a white cake, with mango filing and buttercream icing. Mango filling and buttercream are both homemade. Cake was from a cake mix.



Later on that day, I made another cake- French Vanilla with Mango filling and buttercream icing. However, this time, the conditions were as follows: rushed- I wanted to surprise Milo and I thought I had two hours to do the cake, yet he called me and told me he'd be home in 3- just as I was starting to sit down and work on the cake. My frosting was also soft- too soft from lack of refrigeration. I got out of class and went to my mom's house. I put it in the fridge there, but ran errands on the way home, and did not refrigerate long enough when I got home. On top of all that, I could not get the color red to come out- deep red that is, nor did I make enough blue frosting to ice the cake.

So here's how that turned out... regardless, the hubby still LOVED it, so did his parents.


Today, my last day in class, I decided to make Triple Chocolate Fudge cake, with caramel fudge filling, and Chocolate buttercream (plus white buttercream for decoration). Filling and Icings are homemade- caramel fudge, was something I put together, and it tasted yummy! I learned how to make roses, shells, dots, etc. LOVED the way this cake turned out... except when it was time for the roses, the icings were soft- a little too soft. Still, it turned out gorgeous!!








I'm addicted to cake decorating :)

Life is GRAND!
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Quick Update...

*Milo was home for 5 days. I swear it gets so much harder watching him leave each time... especially if he was home for a while. I end up missing him, oh so much! I am hoping that the next two weeks go by fast, and that summer goes by even faster. I definitely cannot wait until it's over. In the meantime, I am still finding ways to occupy myself and my time. Cake classes, dance classes, my niece is teaching me how to knit, hanging out with friends- fun stuff.

*I just finished baking a triple chocolate fudge cake for my class tomorrow. I've prepared a caramel fudge filling for it. I've also made chocolate buttercream for frosting, and white buttercream for decorating. I still need to post pictures of my cakes. I hope to do so soon.

*Yesterday and today, I totally indulged food wise. That should be the last of it for the weekend. I've been so exhausted and just needing to eat to get by. When Milo's not here, our sleep pattern is totally interrupted. I need to work on that.

I believe that's it, for now. I know I need to do the rest of my 100 things about me. Perhaps tomorrow. We shall see what the day brings.

Yes, Asian Mike... I screwed up. My bad. Perhaps lunch next time you're around? I just couldn't today. I needed to rest.

Life is GRAND!
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for your heart...

Anxiety, Oh how I hate you so!!

Yes, I'm currently suffering from anxiety.
Over what, I'm not entirely sure, however I do have a clue.

R E L E A S E !

That's what I need to do.
Let go, Let flow.
Amen!

For everything that has been- THANKS!
For everything that will be- YES!

Life is grand- but anxiety is no fun!
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Big Baby

Yes, that is currently ME.

I am ready to just curl up like a ball and cry my eyes out.

WHY?

Simply because this whole house hunting thing is a lot more work than I expected- a lot more work especially when you plan on being the agent on your behalf... All because I have my real estate license, a broker, and of course the lure of sweet commission at the end of all of it- not to mention the sweet new digs that we would be inhabiting.

I'm being a baby, and I am defiinitely acknowledging it. I have the guidance, yet I know I just want someone else to do the work. It's incredibly time consuming, since it's all brand new to me, and of course, frustrating being the perfectionist that I am. It's definitely causing me lots of anxiety and lack of sleep.

I have noticed though that I just usually need a good cry when it comes to frustrating situations. After that, I'm usually refreshed and ready to work. I tend to focus on the task at hand after I've gotten my emotions out of the way.

So, with that said... I probably will have a good cry fest sometime soon. I just need to find the time. I have been incredibly busy, which is another thing that's adding to my frustration... and of course, without Milo, so all the responsibilities are on me. I am currently a single parent. Definitely hard!

I know I'm just being hesitant to change, resisiting it rather than going with the flow.

"FOR EVERYTHING THAT HAS BEEN- THANKS!
FOR EVERYTHING THAT WILL BE- YES!"

Life is GRAND!
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Growing up and out...

Lately I feel as if I am growing up. Actually, I've been feeling this way since my dad died this past January. Within this short amount of time, I feel as if I've grown up quite a bit. With the help of therapy, I've come to terms with my past- certain emotions and issues I've had with it that have shaped who I am as a person. It's definitely changed my life for the better. Of course, I'm still learning new things about myself, and coming to terms with certain things in my life and I'm finding myself changing, in a good way. I find myself growing up. The next logical step in my life definitely is to become a homeowner, and then a mom- which is something I'd really like to be one day.

With that said, I find that there are certain people in my life who, I feel, are just not moving in the same direction. Okay, one person in particular. And now, I'm torn. Unsure of how to proceed. And yes, it's a pretty big concern of mine.
Maybe I fell in love with the friendship again way too fast. Perhaps I need to just speak up more regarding the issues that concern me- perhaps it's the only way that I can set things straight, after all, "Whatever you resists, persists" which is perhaps the reason why we keep on having the same issues- because we never address them.

Life is GRAND- but confusing!
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Hurry Up Time!!

It seems as if the hubby has been gone longer than 9 days- or is it just that I'm getting impatient?
I have barely heard from him this time around, and I think that adds to my impatience, and of course worries the shit out of me.
I know he's okay, and that the reason he's probably not calling is that he can't get cell reception. However, that does not calm my fears one bit. I think all in all though, I just miss him terribly. I miss hearing his voice. I miss having his presence around. I miss the hugs, the walks, everything about him. I cannot wait for him to come home. With each day that passes by, my heart does a little dance knowing it's one day closer to his return. I have been keeping myself busy- so busy that I know the pups miss me since I've barely been home. It's kept me occupied that's for sure- but at the end of the day, the longing and the reality of him being gone another night hits home, and it makes it that much harder to fall asleep.
A bit melodramatic? Perhaps.
I guess I just thought that it would get easier as time goes by. I thought that the more he left home, the easier it got. Unfortunately, I am finding that it's not the case. If anything, I miss him a lot more.
So, hurry up time and bring my husband back home to me!
I miss him terribly!

Life is GRAND- although a bit slow at times.
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In the Now

I am currently having problems with being in the present.
Lately, I've just been filled with planning ahead and of course the anticipation of getting there.
I'm trying to figure out ways of just enjoying the moment, but I can't seem to figure out how.

Life is GRAND- although a bit too slow at times.
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100 things about me (41-60)

41.) Sometimes I yearn for a simpler life- where certain things don't matter- like money, who I've connected with regarding work, where I live, etc.
42.) I eat all the time. It's like a job for me. Every other hour or so. Nothing big- snacks. healthy snacks to keep my metabolism going.
43.) At the age of 25, I am now doing the things that I've always wanted to do. It's a huge change for me since I am now putting my needs first, rather than the needs of others. I am taking cake decorating classes, ballroom and salsa dancing. On top of that, I box and work out on a daily basis. It's ME time.
44.) I find, that as I journey into self discovery, that I really do LOVE and ENJOY myself. This is such a change for me.
45.) I look forward to the mail EVERYDAY!! I see the mailman drive down the hill from my office window, and I always yell out, "mail's here!" You just never know what you're going to get. A letter, a bill, Costco coupons, anything goes. LOVE it. Next time, send me a letter through the post office. I'd love you for it :)
46.) With my love of the mail proclaimed- i LOVE postcards- from different places that people send me. If anything, I think that's what I collect. Postcards from different countries, etc.
47.) I am an avid reader. I LOVE to read. I read pretty much anything- except non- fiction. Not sure why. Bookstore gift cards are always a sure hit with me when it comes to giving me gifts. I can sit at the bookstore for hours debating on which books to buy and then I walk away with more than 1 just because I couldn't decide. I've always said that I measure my wealth in books- I'd have to say I'm pretty rich then :)
48.) I always wanted a house phone just so I could record a message on our answering machine. My husband knows this, so once when the cable guy came to our door with promises of a better deal if we signed up for a home phone, my husband did it. Simply because he knew I wanted to have a message on an answering machine. To this day, our home phone has rang less than 10 times.
49.) I hate summer. I hate the heat. I hate the way it makes me feel- lethargic and mad grumpy.
50.) I've always wanted a half birthday- which someone has yet to agree to. Perhaps Milo will one day. My half birthday actually falls on his birthday month which might be the reason he always says no.
51.) I've always wanted to be a MILF. I still do. Just to look like it, not act like it. If you don't know what it means, go figure it out. I refuse to stop caring about my appearance and how I look because of a baby. See how conflicting this is with number 41?
52.) I don't clean my own home. I LOVE it. I save so much time having someone else do it. It's a luxury that I totally indulge in. I recommend it to everyone. Her name is Maria, and she has practically raised my husband, so it's incredibly awesome that she's still in the family. Gracias Maria!
53.) Ever since I started wearing expensive, name brand jeans (you know the triple digit kind that you buy at department stores), I refuse to wear cheap ones. Not because I'm snobby- but because they fit me like a glove and are so comfortable to be in. I live in jeans.
54.) One time at a Christmas Party, I fainted. I believe it was 2 years ago at the Riviera in Calabasas. I was dressed all nice and wore high heels just to end up fainting in the end. Allergic reaction to wine. I got up to go to the bathroom cause I couldn't breathe and so my husband decided to walk me. Next thing I knew, I was on the floor. My husband didn't realize what had happened and couldn't catch me since he was in front of me. He is an EMT, and so he took care of me pretty well. He carried me outside, where he said my eyes wouldn't open and he thought that he would have to call 911. He said that it was one of the scariest times of his life. He's used to helping people with medical emergencies, but never anyone close to him so it freaked him out. It was in front of my talents and other people. I was ashamed. Then I got over it.
55.) I tend to not get embarrassed. I'm usually the first one to laugh at myself. Not to say that my face doesn't turn red or anything. However, I just don't make a big deal out of it.
56.) I ABSOLUTELY HATE the martyr types. The people with a victim mentality. Get over it. We are all responsible for our own actions and the worlds we create. No one else. Plus, you are not anyone else's responsibility. As much as it's tough to admit all this- to realize that our lives- no matter how great or how shitty is all due to us, well, we just have to do it. Acknowledge it and deal with it.
57.) I get a manicure and pedicure every other week. I like my nails cut really short so that they don't hurt when I box.
58.) I love working on the speed bag at my boxing gym.
59.) I have moved every year that I have been married. 4 times.
60.) The day of my wedding, I cried my eyes out. I remember my oldest sister sitting there in the room with me talking me through it. I wasn't taking responsibilities of my actions then, that's for sure.
61.) I'm always hesitant when it comes to change- although I've read that it always comes bearing gifts. I will be working on this- to learn and accept, rather than resist. After all, "what you resists, persists." (Eckhart Tolle)

100%

CONGRATULATIONS MILO!

I am so proud of you.
I am your biggest fan, and your most loyal supporter.

I love you dearly!

Life is GRAND!
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Happy Monday!

So, I'm totally on track regarding my Summer Goal List.
A huge part of my list is about improving myself- taking risks and enjoying life outside the malls.

So, I have signed up for 2 cake decorating classes, and I am also signing up for Ballroom and Salsa dancing. On top of all that, I am still boxing... which actually has been brought to a new level since I am now going to be sparring tons- within my gym and at other gyms. A bit scary, yes. However, I refuse to give in to that.

So, on certain days I box, I do cardio tons on my own, I have cake decorating on Wednesdays for the next 4 weeks and certain Sundays. Then on Friday nights for the next 6 weeks, I have ballroom and salsa.

I need to find soemone who will teach me how to sew :)

Life is GRAND!
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100 things about me (21-40)

21.) At approximately 7:52PM, Sunday, July 6th, 2008- I MISS MY HUSBAND TERRIBLY!!
22.) I used to be fat. 180 lbs. fat.
23.) I now work out A LOT. Practically everyday. Sometimes twice a day, sometimes 3 times a day.
24.) I LOVE boxing.
25.) Paolo Coelho is my favorite author.
26.) I am not very religious, but I am incredibly spiritual.
27.) I try to buy flowers every week at Trader Joe's for my house. It somehow makes me feel incredibly happy and totally brightens up my day.
28.) I am the youngest of 4 children. All girls. Huge difference in age between me and my 3 sisters. It has its pros and cons.
29.) I believe that in a past life, I was from Africa.
30.) I absolutely dread Sunday nights. They always freak me out because it means that it's Monday the next day.
31.) I am currently looking for grain free dog food that does not contain chicken or chicken meal. I believe that Cash is allergic.
32.) I am ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED of pregnancy weight, which is the reason why I don't believe I'm ready to have a baby.
33.) I have tons of lists- I'm afraid that if it's not on my list, there's a huge probability that it won't get done.
34.) I used to want to be a doctor- only now, the thought of blood and touching other people totally grosses me out.
35.) I don't like to be touched really- don't hug me unless I reach out to you.
36.) I have a weakness for french fries, ice cream- actually all types of desserts.
37.) I hate small talk- especially with my neighbors.
38.) I am working on realizing that I am not an island and that often times, I need other people. This is incredibly hard for me since I've crashed and burned so many times, and I am now having to learn to reach out to people, which means putting myself out on the line.
39.) I love my dad's side of the family. My mom's side- not so much. I know the feeling is mutual as well.
40.) I love giraffes and elephants. Most def my two favorite large animals. Did you know that elephants never forget who did them wrong- and that they seek out revenge?

Life is GRAND!
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100 things about me (1-20)

To try and amuse myself, I thought I would copy this from someone's blog... in no order of importance- just however they come to mind.

1.) I was born in the Philippines.
2.) I was the spelling bee champ- 7th and 8th grade.
3.) My husband is my best friend and my one great love. I got pretty lucky that way.
4.) I don't have a lot of girlfriends. I've never been good at it. Although I am now realizing the importance of this and am working towards building FABULOUS friendships. One uppers, takers, slackers, etc. need not apply.
5.) I've always been driven- Ambitious, let's say. Not in a bad way. I would never cross anyone to make my dreams come true. Just hard work and determination. After all, we're all here with our own paths and goals.
6.) I LOVE to read.
7.) I have a deep affinity for shoes. And bags. And clothes for that matter.
8.) My oldest niece looks like me. People often think we're twins.
9.) I can eat the same thing for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for weeks at a time and not get sick of it.
10.) I have 3 journals that I write in every night- my gratitude journal, my affirmation journal, and my emotions journal.
11.) I'm in therapy and I'm damn proud of it. It's definitely the best thing anyone can do for themselves. I highly recommend it.
12.) I have a better relationship now with my father than I ever have- and he's deceased. I do miss him though, but enjoy my talks with him. I know he's around.
13.) For the first time ever, I'm on a budget, and DAMN- it's hard. We're trying to buy a house and trying to save more than usual. Definitely an adjustment period.
14.) I LOVE sparkling water. We buy cases and cases of Pellegrino at Costco.
15.) I got married at the age of 22 to the most wonderful man I know.
16.) I now feel more grown up than I ever have. More so than when I first got married. More so than when we first moved out on our own and had responsibilities.
17.) I have two beautiful pugs- Jamba and Cash. They are the best. They are incredibly spoiled and I would not have it any other way.
18.) I am incredibly grateful for everything and everyone in my life.
19.) I am working on being positive all the time. It's an everyday challenge.
20.) My mom is my best friend. My other best friend. I see her practically everyday.

Life is GRAND!
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It's a BLAH day!

Asides from the fact, that in all actuality, I did have a decent day, I can't help but feel a little sad.
Or indifferent.
Maybe a bit of both?
After having my husband home for 4 days- 2 days longer than usual, I got used to having him here.
Now, I can't help but feel pretty sorry for myself.
HA!
I just miss him- that's all.
It's weird to have someone to talk to at night and sleep next to, and then all of a sudden not have it again- at least not for two weeks.
I guess I'm having problems sharing. Sharing my husband.
Although I know now is not the time to be selfish- especially with all these fires out there.

Jesus, give me strength!

Life is GRAND- even though it is trying me right now.
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Off day

Today...

I trained for 2 1/2 hours.
BUT...
despite the amount of time I trained, I was still off. At least on the bag.

Better on the speed bag though.

Tomorrow- I'm spinning and lifting.
Saturday is spinning.
Sunday is yoga.

Damn! I gotta lose the last bit of this. Seriously.

Life is GRAND!
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A picture post

Some snapshots of the hubby in action at the Indians Fire...







Life is GRAND!
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