REPEAT

So for the past 3 nights, I've had the same recurring dream...
That my dad is dying.
He passed away January 31, 2008.
I have no idea what this could mean.

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

A New Week, A New ME?

So lately, I've been having a hard time with the hubby being so engrossed with the Academy. Odd, I know because this is something we've both been waiting for, like forever. I think things happened way too fast, and we were both overwhelmed. I mean, we moved in to our house, then the week after, he started the Academy, so really there was no transition time for either one of us.
So since then, I've found myself kinda just wading through everything- like not really sure of what to do. I mean, I knew I had to support him and encourage him through this tough time, but really, I didn't know where I fell into the picture, other than being a supportive wife.
It's def been a weird time in our household...
That is until I gave in and bought the book- I Love A Firefighter, What the Family Needs to Know. I'm only a few pages in, but it's definitely helped me out a lot already- just knowing that other fire families have gone and are going through the same thing. I know that one of the biggest things, is that I don't know of another firefighter wife that's near me, except for my friend over at Wildland Firefighter's Wives
So I guess really, all I need is some sort of a community. Someone who can identify with and whom I can learn from regarding all this.
So with that, I started a search, and stumbled upon Firewives.com
And while perusing through the site, here's someone's post that I found...

"hope someone else feels the way I do sometimes. Just this past weekend I have found myself being more and more annoyed at the fact that my life revolves around everyone else to the extent that I cannot find time for myself by myself to do assignments when I want to.

I have to plan everything around my husband's schedule, what time he is working, whether he is coming home for the week or if they're away, what mood he will be in on what day depends on who we can go and visit.

I am very proud of my husband and I love that he is a fire fighter. But do you ever just want the world to revolve around you for a little while? Just so they can understand how hard it is?"

And that, really sums up my frustration. It was never something I could put in words for fear that it sounded a bit too selfish (and yes, I know I'm selfish at times but really, this felt a bit much)... but the reality of it is simply what this woman stated- that as a firefighter's wife, our lives revolve around other people. It's simply something I have to come to terms with. We have a lot of sacrifices that we have made as a firefighting family, and there's plenty more that we need to make. I am now absolutely resolved and am trying to come to terms with all of this... it's just that sometimes, I might falter and forget. It's definitely not easy, you know?

So, anyhow, at least I've figured out what the problem is, or at least have found someone else'w words that explain my frustration. Now, I just have to figure out how to be totes okay with it... At least for most of the time.

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

The Week in Review

This week I've:

* Benn ANNOYED one too many times. My annoyance level was at an 8- the entire week.
Slightly higher today. So high that the catch phrase of the day was "HEADS ARE GONNA ROLL". And I was serious.

* Had to say I'm sorry one too many times- even though it wasn't my fault. People screw up, and it's my job to say I'm sorry?
Hmm... people need to start taking responsibilities for goofing up more often.
Unfortunately, our business is very service oriented, hence the I'm sorry... for whatever reason.

* Had to remind someone of one of my Panda-isms: "Why would I do it myself, when I can totally pay someone to do it?" when he asked if I wash my dogs, or clean my house... and yes, this is really something I truly believe in. I believe in it so much, that the hubby has called me lazy, which is so NOT true... cause really, why would I do it myself when I can pay someone else???

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

LUCKY by Jason Mraz

This is my theme song...

Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Oooohhhhoohhhhohhooohhooohhooohoooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music, feel the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh


And yes, I'm very lucky to be in love with my best friend and that we're in love in every way. I'm also lucky to have been where I have been. Life certainly has been good to me, and there's not a day that goes by that I'm not grateful for what we have.
Yes, I moan and groan about certain things at times, but I am ALWAYS grateful.

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

WARNING!

Annoyance level = 8
And it's only 11:21 am.
Damn!
It's rising pretty fast too.

I'm def not a big fan of Passive Aggressive people.
Say what you mean. Go ahead, I'm a big girl. I can take it.
No off handed comments. It's ridiculously annoying, esp. if you're older than me.
Act like a grown up. After all, we're all adults here.

Life is GRAND (although painstakingly annoying at times)
Super Panda

Where the Wild Things Are

Food for Thought

Mine and the hubby's hypnotherapist (not to be confused with my actual therapist) mentioned this to me today...
SHe said that while reading an article on being overwhelmed, this idea stuck to her-
That we get overwhelmed because our prayers are being answered, and they're being answered fast. Often times, we jsut don't know what to do with them all :)

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

In Need/ WANT (same diff)

of a Kindle 2. It's def come to my attention that this should be my next big purchase... Donations, are of course, welcome :)



Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

My favorite

The hubby and the boys. This is what I get to come home to (during the times that the hubby is at home).



Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

Mani and Pedi Tuesday

Today, I was totally reminded of why I never get light colors on my toes, particularly pink.
It's cause sometimes, they totes remind me of Skittles, the candy.
Especially cause my toes are chubby.
Since I can't figure out how to use my new Blackberry Storm, I have no picture.

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

On the Forefront

It has totes come to my attention that my blog does NOT convey just how witty and personable I am... in person.

And this deeply troubles me.

I feel as if I'm too serious on this damn blog, which is totes not my style at all.
I swear I'm funny. I swear I'm witty. TRUST ME.
I even talk funny- like GG, Valley girl style. And I'm quirky too.

This needs to be fixed. STAT!

UGGH!!

And that's my dilemma.

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

Flight of the Conchords

Milo and I LOVE them.



Happy Friday!

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

A List!

From my talent's father... I def think it's worth noting here.

List a few daily goals. Meet a new friend, swim at the lake or walk in the park. Enhance your day and initiate!
1. Seize the day. Live each day as if it's your last. Leave the past behind and do not anticipate the future. Be present to enjoy the moment.

2. Be adventurous. Explore, live on the edge a little and embrace new challenges. Try something new every day. Experience the variety in life.

3. Keep a journal. Record your accomplishments as well as your delights. Take time to reflect on what has been previously written. Be an inspiration to yourself and others.

4. Love yourself. Focus on your inner and outer beauty to see the same in others. Acceptance comes from within.

5. Accept everyone. Be kind and courteous. Enjoy the company of others. Acknowledge their goodness rather than the differences in their beliefs.

6. Find purpose in life. Be selfless in service to others. Begin with your neighbor. Do charitable service outside of your immediate community as well.

7. Seek balance. Understand the night and day, back and forth, good and bad in all things. Stay focused on the positive.

8. Be realistic. Set attainable goals according to your abilities and talents. Consider each effort to be an attainment. Achieve one step before the other towards stability and security.

9. Maintain control. Be responsible for your actions and inactions. Be true to yourself. Maintain a personal code in the situation at hand. Find common ground.

10. Listen to your heart and soul. Listen for advice, but be confident in making your own decision. Use your instinct.

11. Clear your mind. Rituals of yoga , meditation and tai chi will replenish and rejuvenate your soul to focus more clearly on serenity and happiness.

12. Be carefree. Desires, obsessions and possessions possess you. Free yourself of inhibitions. Make an active decision to have simple daily needs.

13. Laugh. Laughter is the best medicine. It releases good endorphins and promotes longevity. Inner joy is beautiful!

14. Be flexible. Accept change as a positive thing in life. At times, go with the flow that is before you.

15. Let go of past hurts Forgiveness of yourself and others, letting go of anger, bitterness and resentment of past hurts will help you live a happy, carefree life. It is proven that 60% of illness is deeply rooted in one's emotions.

16. Manage your emotions Take good care of your emotional health. Freedom in this area will make you feel lighter and be able to cope with life in a more effective way.

17. Accept death. Pondering death brings appreciation to life. Take time to appreciate the expanse and beauty of your life and our earth. Let go peacefully.

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

Same Old...

I'm afraid that there's nothing new and exciting going on over here.
It will probably be that way until the hubby graduates from the Academy.
I spend Saturday mornings at the gym, then home doing laundry and hanging out.
Sundays, I run around and do errands.
I know it seems boring, but the number 1 priority at this point is to get the hubby to graduation day. In order to do so, we've had to sacrifice a lot- time with each other, time for myself when he is home, etc.
However, we've worked way too hard to get to this point. It's not something we're taking lightly. So with that said, we're on this routine until June...

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

Wise Words from Paolo Coelho

So what then is leadership? The encyclopedia defines it as an individual’s capacity to motivate others to seek the same objective. The bookstores are full of texts on this theme, and the leaders are normally portrayed in brilliant colors, with enviable qualities and supreme ideals. The leader is to society as the “master” is to spirituality. This, however, is not absolutely true (in either case).

Our big problem, especially in a world that is growing more and more fundamentalist, is not allowing people in prominent positions to commit human mistakes. We are always in search of the perfect ruler. We are always looking for a pastor to guide and help us find our way. The truth is that the great revolutions and the progress made by humanity were brought about by people just like us – the only difference being that they had the courage to make a key decision at a crucial moment.

A long time ago, in my unconscious, I changed the word “leader” for the expression “warrior of light”. What is a warrior of light?

Warriors of light keep the spark in their eyes.

They are in the world, are part of other people’s lives, and began their journey without a rucksack and sandals. They are often cowards. They don’t always act right.

Warriors of light suffer over useless things, have some petty attitudes, and at times feel they are incapable of growing. They frequently believe they are unworthy of any blessing or miracle.

Warriors of light are not always sure what they are doing here. Often they stay up all night thinking that their lives have no meaning.

Every warrior of light has felt the fear of joining in battle. Every warrior of light has once lost faith in the future.

Every warrior of light has once trodden a path that was not his. Every warrior of light has once felt that he was not a warrior of light. Every warrior of light has once failed in his spiritual obligations.

That is what makes him a warrior of light; because he has been through all this and has not lost the hope of becoming better than he was.

That is why they are warriors of light. Because they make mistakes. Because they wonder. Because they look for a reason – and they will certainly find one.

www.warriorofthelight.com Copyright @ 2009 by Paulo Coelho

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

The End of an Era

Ok, not really an era, but still.
So today, while driving back from the doctor's (I have a yucky sinus infection which has given me a migraine for the past few days now), I got a call from Chief Herrera of the Fillmore City Fire Department.
The hubby turned in all his gear last week, but didn't turn in his badge. We didn't know he had to- but Chief Herrera called today to tell us that he needs to turn it in.
So, he has to do that.
The hubby has been part of the Fillmore Fire Department for a couple of years now. We both loved the city, and he was really fond of the people he worked with. They have been an essential part of helping him achieve his dream of working with LA City Fire. So, for that, we are indebted to them. Thank you Chief Herrera for bringing in my husband. We have enjoyed the Christmas parties, the toy drive, and I know he has learned a lot from the Department.

Here's a bonus... check out Fillmore Fire's webpage
That's the hubby right on the first page.

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

SHUTTERS!

So last Friday our shutters got installed.
I loved them so much that yesterday, Monday, I had to be sick and stay home.
(Ok, I really was sick. I had the 24 hr. stomach flu... def not fun, but I did get to stay home and enjoy my shutters).

Anyway, here a few pictures...
Here's a pic of the hubby's study. He doesn't call it an office. He says he doesn't have an office. He has a study.

Here's a pic of the shutters in the master bedroom.

Shutters in the living room...

Shutters in the kitchen...

Shutters in the dining room on our French doors.


Ok, I know. House pics still to come.
But for now, enjoy these.

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda