More from Drill Tower 40

Just thought I'd post more pictures from the hubby's graduation.






Since the hubby is on probation for a year, chances are I won't be hearing from him at night. This is def a challenge for me, especially since I'm so used to talking to him, even if just to say "good night."
It's okay though because I know he's safe at the station. Last summer, when we would go for days without talking because he wouldn't have cell reception, I would always worry sick because I didn't know his whereabouts. He always felt so much further away from me. However, this time around, I know he's just in Westwood, Station 37.

I am truly proud of my husband. Every time I think about it, tears gather in my eyes. You see, this is a dream that started before we first got married. That was almost 5 years ago. I still remember the rejection letters he received. The heartbreak he felt, and of course, the heartbreak I felt for him. This has been a long journey for us. We both have made numerous sacrifices to get to this point in our lives. This is a journey we embarked on together and I am extremely grateful that this man is my husband.

Life is GRAND!
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Blah.

That about sums up how I feel today.
I couldn't sleep last night because I felt a sore throat coming.
I got up at 4, and the sore throat was in full force. I'm definitely not enjoying this.

I sent more resumes out today. I am hoping that someone will see me for the gem that I am, and just give me a shot. That's all I need. One shot. At a teaching position.
I also followed up on one of my leads, but had to leave a message. Hopefully he calls me back. Otherwise, I'll call again on Monday.

Thanks to The Teacher for the encouragement last night.
I started feeling pretty down about not having been called back for a teaching position yet, but she made me feel better about my situation. I know that the right job is waiting for me, and that the jobs I'm not being considered for are meant for someone else. I just hope that the position for me comes along fairly soon. I really just don't want to get anymore discouraged and then just lose hope. If that happens, it means that I'll be too complacent once again, and I might never leave this job. One of my biggest fears would be failure. Another, unhappiness. I'm afraid that I might be headed towards both should I not find something soon.
Staying here is definitely not an option, but I'm afraid I might have to if nothing else comes up. Again, leading me back to failaure and unhappiness.

On the bright side of things, it's about 2 1/2 weeks until the Hubby's graduation from LA City's Academy. We've waited for years for this!
And it's bittersweet for me. Bitter because I wish I was celebrating my own happiness regarding a new job, Sweet because I get to share in his. A bit selfish of me? Perhaps. However, I do reserve the right to be happy as an individual as well.

Tonight, the baking begins at my house. It's The Teacher's birthday on Monday, but she's having a celebration this Saturday. I have been asked to make a cake. I've always enojyed baking and decorating since it offers me peace and solace. However, it's been a while since I've baked, so I hope it still offers the same promise.

Life is GRAND!
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A New Week, A New ME?

So lately, I've been having a hard time with the hubby being so engrossed with the Academy. Odd, I know because this is something we've both been waiting for, like forever. I think things happened way too fast, and we were both overwhelmed. I mean, we moved in to our house, then the week after, he started the Academy, so really there was no transition time for either one of us.
So since then, I've found myself kinda just wading through everything- like not really sure of what to do. I mean, I knew I had to support him and encourage him through this tough time, but really, I didn't know where I fell into the picture, other than being a supportive wife.
It's def been a weird time in our household...
That is until I gave in and bought the book- I Love A Firefighter, What the Family Needs to Know. I'm only a few pages in, but it's definitely helped me out a lot already- just knowing that other fire families have gone and are going through the same thing. I know that one of the biggest things, is that I don't know of another firefighter wife that's near me, except for my friend over at Wildland Firefighter's Wives
So I guess really, all I need is some sort of a community. Someone who can identify with and whom I can learn from regarding all this.
So with that, I started a search, and stumbled upon Firewives.com
And while perusing through the site, here's someone's post that I found...

"hope someone else feels the way I do sometimes. Just this past weekend I have found myself being more and more annoyed at the fact that my life revolves around everyone else to the extent that I cannot find time for myself by myself to do assignments when I want to.

I have to plan everything around my husband's schedule, what time he is working, whether he is coming home for the week or if they're away, what mood he will be in on what day depends on who we can go and visit.

I am very proud of my husband and I love that he is a fire fighter. But do you ever just want the world to revolve around you for a little while? Just so they can understand how hard it is?"

And that, really sums up my frustration. It was never something I could put in words for fear that it sounded a bit too selfish (and yes, I know I'm selfish at times but really, this felt a bit much)... but the reality of it is simply what this woman stated- that as a firefighter's wife, our lives revolve around other people. It's simply something I have to come to terms with. We have a lot of sacrifices that we have made as a firefighting family, and there's plenty more that we need to make. I am now absolutely resolved and am trying to come to terms with all of this... it's just that sometimes, I might falter and forget. It's definitely not easy, you know?

So, anyhow, at least I've figured out what the problem is, or at least have found someone else'w words that explain my frustration. Now, I just have to figure out how to be totes okay with it... At least for most of the time.

Life is GRAND!
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