Sunday, August 30, 2009


Yes, my blog has been neglected.
I am a student now and have a full time job.
Needless to say that my time is extremely limited.
I will try to post more as I get used to the new sched but that probably won't be for a while.

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

A Promotion

A week and a half into my new job...

I am now a Kindergarten Aide 2 days a week, along with my receptionist/ substitute duties.
Yay me!
I will have my own classroom soon enough.

Loving the school, the people.
It's a lot of fun.
I am really enjoying myself!

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

Monday, August 24, 2009


Pardon the lack of posts as I try and get acquainted with my new life.
I work from 7:30- 4, but will be starting school by next week.
Not too mention, I'm totally exhausted from the new job by the end of the day.

I can't believe I'm really doing this.
Sometimes it feels like a dream.

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Dinner and a Movie

Cheesecake Factory with a few of the gals... then Time Traveler's Wife.
What a great evening :)

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Today, is the Day Your New Life Begins

OK, it begins on Monday, but still...

It is 4 AM and I cannot go back to sleep.
I feel as if I'm in a state of mourning in so many ways.

For the past few months, I have longed for a new job. I have worked dilligently towards a new career- enrolled in school, sent out resumes, have gone on numerous interviews. And a few of those interviews were so promising.
Yet, a full time teaching position did not materialize.
Up until yesterday, I had some sort of hope that I would get an offer for a teaching position.
But, to my dismay, that did not happen.

What I did get is this...
an offer to work at a great school as a receptionist (and also as a substitute teacher throughout the school year).
A gift wrapped in a completely different package than what I was expecting.
OR clearly, that is how I should look at it as, because there's always a silver lining somewhere.

In so many ways, I feel that a brand new me is emerging. Or it could be the brand new lifestyle that the hubby and I are about to embark on. I am on the cusp, yet I'm finding it so hard to dive right in.
All the fears I have are lingering around. I wonder what made them decide to emerge so late in the game. Or could it have been that they were here all along, yet I just failed to notice them? And if so, how could I have ignored them then, but not now? Not when I'm right on the brink of this new life.

Or the reality of it is, that it could just be my ego talking.
This truly is a humbling change for me.
I am coming from a completely different background/ lifestyle.
At the age of 26, I have made a name for myself in a completely different industry. I was able to buy a house with my husband, and live a life of luxury (by our own standards). And all that is changing. And I'm afraid. Gone are the days when we had so much disposable income. Gone are the days when I could just shop and not care as much about the expense.
Today, the reality of all that is sinking in.

I was a damn good talent manager, if i do say so myself.
I negotiated well, and dealt with vendors and talents well.
Yet somehow, somewhere along the way, I lost the passion for all of it. It could have been when my dad died and I went to the Philippines and saw how much simpler life could be (and of course be happy). Cause I did experience all of that.
I don't know. But it happened, and here I am now.

I sometimes feel like a fool. Throwing away all I have. But, it no longer makes me happy.
So the real question is, why is it then, if it no longer made me happy, that I'm sad to be leaving it all behind?
Perhaps I'm grieving all that I'm leaving behind. And I'm in trepidation of what's ahead.

Throughout this whole journey, I have always had faith in God- although it wavered quite a bit, and I questioned my path at times (like I'm doing now). Again, there has to be a silver lining in all of this. A gift, if you will. I've always been a firm believer in things happening for a reason. And I'm desperately looking for a reason now.

I have a gift in front of me. A gift that came unexpectedly- presented to me in a completely different way than what I had expected. And I'm so hesitant to unwrap, and discover what lays ahead.

Life is GRAND- and it will always be, it's just sometimes hard.
Super Panda

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

An Offer

Today I got an offer from the school I interviewed at yesterday.
It's for a Full time receptionist position, and of course, the first choice in their substitute pool (since I'd already be at the school). I would be making what a substitute teacher would be making.

This is less than what the other school would offer me, should they give me an offer... which I still don't have yet.

This school that offered me a position today is closer to home, and would slowly transition me into a classroom environment. According to the principal, the receptionist position is not their long term goal for me.

Yesterday, I walked out of here wishing they would offer me a full time position.
Today I got one.

What to do? What to do?

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

A New School

I had an interview today for a substitute teaching position.
How I wish they interviewed me for a permanent teaching position.
LOVED the school. LOVED the principals.
Plus, much closer to home.

I'm glad I got to meet the 2 ladies I did though.
Perhaps next school year?

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

Monday, August 10, 2009

Tomorrow, Tomorrow

I should find out whether the job is really mine or not.
I got an email from the principal saying that she'll be going over my paperwork with the pastor and that she'd let me know by Tuesday.

Oh Tuesday, you seem so far away.

I also have an interview tomorrow. For a substitute teaching position.
And I got a call today for a tutoring position. Nice way to make extra bucks on the side.
Love it.

It seems that things could possibly be falling into place.
I know things will happen as God intends.
I have certainly learned a lot about myself throughout this whole process.
I cannot wait until I leave everything behind, and start anew.

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

Friday, August 7, 2009

Another Day, Another Interview

Yes, you read that right.
I have another interview.
Tuesday, the 11th to be exact.
At a school much closer to home.
Private. Not Catholic.
To be part of their substitute pool.
Nothing permanent, but who knows?
Sowing the seed.

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

Thursday, August 6, 2009

from my favorite author, Paulo Coelho

(from Warrior of the Light)

Things as they are

Of course things don’t always happen they way we wish they would. There are moments in which we feel we are seeking something that is not meant for us, knocking on doors that don’t open, waiting for miracles that don’t manifest themselves.

Fortunately that is the way things are - if everything went the way we wanted, soon we would no longer have anything to write about, nothing to guide our daily thoughts. This script serves our dreams as nourishment, but to our battles as energy. And as it always happens with the warriors that spend all their energy in the Good Fight, there are moments in which it is best to relax and believe that the Universe is still working for us secretly, even if we cannot comprehend it.

And so, let us allow the Soul of the World to fulfill its mission, and if we can’t help, the best way to collaborate is to pay attention to the simple things in life; the sunset, the people in the street, the reading of a book.

However, in many cases, time continues passing and nothing exceptional happens. But the true warrior of light believes. Just like children believe.

Because they believe in miracles, the miracles begin to happen.

Because they are certain that their thoughts can change their lives, their lives begin to change.

Because they are certain they will find love, this love appears.

Sometimes they are disappointed. Sometimes they feel hurt.

Then they hear the comments, “you are so naïve!”

But the warrior knows it is worth the price. To each defeat, there are two conquests in his favor.

In an interesting and diminutive book called “The Breviary of Medieval Knights,” there are some passages that have to be remembered in these moments of waiting:

"The Path’s spiritual energy uses justice and patience to prepare your spirit.”

“This is the Knight’s Path. An easy and hard path at the same time, as it urges us to let aside useless things and relative friendships. That is why, at the beginning, we hesitate so much to follow it.”

"This is a Knight's first teaching: you will erase everything you wrote up to now on your life’s notebook: turmoil, insecurities, lies. And in place of all that, you will write the word courage. Beginning the journey with this word and going on with faith in God, you will arrive where you need to arrive.”

Even so, sometimes we keep on waiting - with patience, resignation, courage - and still, things around us don’t move. But since this is the path we chose, it seems impossible that life’s blessings are not working in our favor. It provokes, therefore, a deep reflection about what we call "results:" our destiny is manifesting itself in a way we are not able to fully comprehend . Jorge Luís Borges wrote a masterly short story about this issue.

He describes the birth of a tiger that spends great part of its life in the African wildness but ends up being captured and taken to a zoo in Italy. From then on, the animal thinks his life has lost sense and there is nothing left to do but wait for the day he dies.

One fine day, poet Dante Alighieri passes by this zoo, looks at the tiger, and the animal inspires a verse – in the midst of thousands of verses – of "The Divine Comedy."

"The entire battle for survival that tiger went through was only so that it could be at the zoo on that morning and inspire an immortal verse,” says Borges.

Just like this tiger, we all have a reason – a very important reason – to be here, at this moment, this morning.

So relax. And pay attention.


It's Thursday. I haven't heard from the principal for about a week and a half now.
I'm not sure what's happening.

At this point, it feels that my future is uncertain.
Clearly a feeling that I'm all too familiar with, but definitely something I'm not comfortable with.

The little girl inside of me wants to just weep and weep for all that is happening.
All the good bye's, the unclear tomorrow's.
It's just too much emotion.
I think it mostly wants to weep because of the uncertainty.
I feel so lost. Like I fell off the tracks and don't know how to get back on.

Something clearly has to happen, or change, or something.
I just don't know what needs to happen.

Life is GRAND- just extremely trying and frustrating at times.
Super Panda

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Way Exhausted Wednesday

Yep, that about sums me up right now.

Last week and through the weekend, I worked myself up into an emotional frenzy because I hadn't heard from my principal yet about my job. She was on jury duty last week, and when I called on Monday, she was on vaca.

On top of all my new job stress, The New Girl, came into town this week.
Cue the nightmarish flashbacks from when she used to work here 4 years ago.
However, to my surprise...
She's changed! A lot.
Funny how time really changes people, and makes a huge difference!
It is my belief that should we have started working together now, at this point in our lives, we would have been friends.
I'm helping her out a lot- giving her tips, etc. She's scared, mainly because I've taken on the job of what 2 or 3 people would normally do. That she's afraid she cannot do. I'm glad she realizes her strengths and weaknesses that way we are able to adjust it prior to her taking over full time. I wish her nothing but the best.

As for me, I wish me nothing but the best.
The signs I asked for regarding my teaching job, I've received.
Now, please, I'd love to move on from the signs and actually get the call or the email or the meeting.
That would be totes fab!

Life is GRAND- although it highly requires patience.
Super Panda

Monday, August 3, 2009

There's A Time for Everything...

Today's Daily Om...
August 3, 2009
Where You Need To Be
Timing Can Be Everything

Since human timetables quite often do not correspond with universal timetables, it’s common for people to feel that life is progressing too slowly or too quickly. We draft carefully composed plans only to find that they fall into place when we least expect. Or, conversely, we are thrust into roles we believe we are not prepared for and wonder how we will survive the demands imposed upon us by unfamiliar circumstances. When delays in our progress kindle pangs of disappointment within us or the pace of life seems overwhelming, peace can be found in the simple fact that we are exactly where we need to be at this moment.

Every person fulfills their purpose when the time is right. If you have fast-tracked to success, you may become deeply frustrated if you discover you can no longer satisfy your desires as quickly as you might like. Yet the delays that disappoint you may be laying the foundation for future accomplishments that you have not yet conceived. Or the universe may have plans for you that differ from the worldly aspirations you have pursued up until this point. What you deem a postponement of progress may actually represent an auspicious opportunity to prepare for what is yet to come. If, however, you feel as though the universe is pushing you forward at too fast a clip, you may be unwittingly resisting your destiny. Your unease regarding the speed of your progress could be a sign that you need to cultivate awareness within yourself and learn to move with the flow of fate rather than against it. The universe puts nothing in your path that you are incapable of handling, so you can res! t assured that you are ready to grow into your new situation.

You may feel compelled to judge your personal success using your age, your professional position, your level of education, or the accomplishments of your peers as a yardstick. Yet we all enjoy the major milestones in our lives at the appropriate time—some realize their dreams as youngsters while others flourish only in old age. If you take pride in your many accomplishments and make the most of every circumstance in which you find yourself, your time will come.