Monday, April 28, 2008

all's good on the homefront

With that said, yes, my family and I are all good again.
Thank goodness cause I hate all the bullshit that comes with havign family issues.
We enjoyed a day of dim sum and shopping yesterday.
It definitely took my mind out of the hubby not being home and fighting the fire in Sierra Madre. We knew fire season was going to be bad this year, but we sure as hell didn't think it would start this early. His season doesn't officially even start til May 11th. I pray for the hubby's safety, and all those out there who are putting their lives on the line.

So the weight loss is a battle for me. I lose during the week, only to gain back 1 or 2 lbs. during the weekend. I really need to get this under control. I feel like I'm making 2 steps forward only to go 5 back over the weekend. An exaggeration, I know. Somebody help me to get this under control. I would really hate for all my weight loss efforts to be for nothing, when all I do over the weekends is lose control.

Friday, April 25, 2008

something borrowed

from Angie's blog

“whoever you are, whatever your dream, you have to be strong in your head and strong in your heart. be strong. there's no quitting in the person who wants it bad enough."

I find it extremely inspirational. Here's to a better, brand new me.
Because I want it bad enough!

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

26 years ago today

this guy was born...


You are my best friend and the love of my life. I am thankful to be celebrating your day with you (even if you are at home sick).

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

Monday, April 21, 2008

<3 heartbroken <3

I must say that it is pretty heart breaking when the people you count on disappoint you. Especially when it's your family.

This past Saturday, we had a little get together at our house to celebrate Milo's birthday. I ordered tons of food, and invited family over. Of course, they showed up- his and part of mine and that's when the disappointment comes in. I find it extremely rude that some people from my family (immediate family) didn't show up. This makes me angry and upset. Milo has always gone out of his way to try and help them out especially when they ask for rides, etc. Not to mention the fact that we always show up to every family function.

Yes, they gave a gift. However, material things don't matter as much as the feeling of support and love that family can give you. This feels like a giant fuck you to both me and Milo. That his birth doesn't/ didn't matter enough for them to celebrate. As much as revenge is wrong we have said that we will no longer be there for the birthdays of those that were not present. It will be like our own FUCK YOU.

There have been MANY excuses made on behalf of those that did not show up. However, screw the excuses. We are all old enough to not be relying on excuses as much. Plus, just because you have an excuse doesn't make you not showing up any less rude or any more acceptable. Nor does it take away any hard feelings.

Thanks for the bullshit family. I know I can always depend on you for that.

And really- thanks to those that showed up. We had a great time and it really meant a lot to Milo!

Life is GRAND- though a bit disappointing at times.
Super Panda

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Dear Universe

It is my wish that this year, 2008, my husband gets picked up by a municipal Fire Department. This is a dream that we have been pursuing for quite a few years now, and I hope that this happens soon. He has tons of experience, and is an awesome Fireman. He has accomplished that goal- to become a Fireman (he works for the Forest Service as a Wildland Firefighter and Fillmore City Fire), and I know he is working towards his goal of working for a municipal department. I sincerely pray that it happens this year. That would be AWESOME!

For this I pray. Amen.
Please pray for this also, dear reader.

day late rant

Yesterday, Wednesday, was a pretty irritating day. I try my hardest, under any occassion, to just let myself wallow in anger, frustration, etc. for a brief amount of time. I would say that I try to give myself 10 minutes max. I do this because it's never a good thing to let negative emotions take over you, however, it is important to acknowledge them, feel them, and then let them go.


Despite my hardest, I couldn't do it yesterday. DAMN!

Here are the things that upset me- and yes, I do know that some of them might seem trivial.

- I added to much water to something I made for breakfast. GROSS!
- slow morning (which I hate).
- called the doctor like 10 times to try and get a prescription for antibiotics(which I hate taking btw).
- I finally get him to call my pharmacy, went there, waited for a half an hour, only to find out he prescribed me something I'm allergic to. This led to a frustrated phone call to the doctor's office. Since it was the end of the day, I left a frustrated message instead.
- Ran 3 miles when I got home, and all frustration was gone.

It defintiely took a while for me to get rid of all the irritation I felt yesterday.

Today, Thursday, WILL be a better day.
I am determined to make it so.

My doc has called in a new prescription. Hooray for me. I will be rid of this nasal sound shortly!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


Another week, another Tuesday. So boring of me, I know.
However, I feel pretty blah.
Lost 2 lbs. which is great. But I'm sick, so that's not so great.
Stuffy nose, dry cough makes for some gross shit!

Here are a few random updates:

* Milo comes home on Friday night.
* We are having family over on Saturday for some delicious restaurant bought BBQ and
awesome desserts to celebrate Milo's birthday on the 22nd. Early celebration, I
* I've lost 2 more lbs. Needless to say, I will not be eating said awesome desserts,
and am probably eating very little BBQ during the Birthday Bonanza this Saturday.
* It's been fairly slow at work this week. While I am grateful for this because I am
sick, I am in need of more action. Help me Universe!
*Still running every other day, and boxing 3 times a week. I've got a mean right.
Don't mess with me.
* The boys seem to be enjoying their new diet. Only time will tell if this is the
right diet for them though.
* Last night, I bought the dogs a Fresh Water Flow Deluxe- it's a water fountain
type water bowl. It helps keep their water cleaner, fresher, and cooler. They LOVE
it. Of course, that makes me one happy mommy.
* I am thrilled that tomorrow is Wednesday. One more day closer to the weekend which
I am very much looking forward to.

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

Friday, April 11, 2008

for lack of a better post...

I'm THRILLED it's Friday.
Papa Bear will be home for the weekend, and the boys, I'm sure are stoked!
I think our food dilemma is solved, but I'll wait at least a week or two to be sure.
It's a lot more work to have to rotate foods, and add veggies, but I'm sure with time we'll get used to it- just like we've gotten used to homecooking. Hooray for no longer having to bring coolers with us wherever we go. It will definitely make for easier trips!

Also, on another note...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my dear sister, and avid reader, Elisa Bernardino

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

Thursday, April 10, 2008

dog food, anyone?

About a year and a half ago, Jamba developed some serious allergies to his dog food, Royal Canin. We were at the vet's practically every week for face swelling, ear issues, etc. He was a miserable and unhappy pup. We got steroids after steroids to help temporarily ease the pain, but it would come back 5 million times worse than before. One afternoon, when I came home during lunch to let him out, I broke down and cried and told him I will fix it and make it all better because that's what mommies do. I stayed true to that promise, and that same afternoon reserched foods/ diets that would help. That's when we found Pets Naturally- provided us with supplements but also mentioned the idea of raw food to us. We tried raw, but I just couldn't stomach it and neither could Milo. Plus, Cash then developed diarrhea cause the food was too rich. We tried Nature's Variety Duck and Rice, still too rich. That's when we decided to stick with rice, chicken and supplements, with occasional beef and of course veggies and yogurt.

Last night, while playing with Cash, I got up close and personal with his face and started to see reminders of Jamba's old allergy stricken face. I freak out. I've been saying it for a while- since Cash has developed chronic ear infections- that he might be allergic to what we're feeding. A quick call to the hubby, panicked straightens it all out. It was decided I would reserch better food/ diet ideas. After tons of hours spent on dogster, we have decided to try a grain free diet. We will be embarking on this journey as soon as I buy a bag tonight. We decided that should this work, we will rotate (per Dogster member suggestions) between a few grain free brands, and mix in veggies, yogurt and of course other goodies that the boys love.

We are so committed to providing the best life for our pugs. They have given us so much joy and love during these years that we've had them, and we can only return the favor by making sure that they are living the best life we can possibly afford to give them. Super Panda is also Super Mommy. Wish us luck with the switch!

Life is GRAND- especially because tomorrow is Friday, and Papa Bear will be home!
Super Panda

Wednesday, April 9, 2008


Last night I finished reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.
Such a lovely book about self- discovery.
I went to her sight today, and this caught my eye. Simply, because I agree with her. My journey to the Philippines, I believe, is/ was the same for me.


How well it worked. I found exactly what I was looking for during that year of traveling. In fact, I found more than I’d dared to hope for. Looking back on it now, though, I think that this amazing result was sort of inevitable. I’ve come to believe that there exists in the universe something I call “The Physics of The Quest” – a force of nature governed by laws as real as the laws gravity or momentum. And the rule of Quest Physics maybe goes like this: “If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all – to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself….then truth will not be withheld from you.” Or so I’ve come to believe. I can’t help but believe it, given my experience.

For more, check out:

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

today's proud moment

While training with Coach Frank during lunch, a few other trainers were there training a few pro/ amateur boxers. I was late, with one hand unwrapped. I admit, I must have looked like a joke. Joyce was already there, going at it on the mitts. I come in, apologize for being late. Coach Frank calls me into the ring, wraps my right hand quickly, tells me to stretch, and we go at it on the mitts.

Jab, jab.

Jab, Jab, one, two.

Right, left hook.

One, two, three, four.

Right, left hook.

He sees it in my face. Tells me to take it easy. I was frustrated cause I couldn't get my left hook right. Tells me it's alright. Tells me we'll work at it. I guess that's one of my problems. I'm too hard on myself. However, I'm a perfectionist so I keep at it. I hear the pop on the mitt. I get it right, once in a while. Solid hook. Definitely something to work on.

After a few rounds on the mitts, we move to the bags.

Jab, jab, one, two.
Feet shuffle.

We go at this a few rounds with a only a :30 rest bell.

Jab, jab.
Feet shuffle.
Jab, jab, one, two.

I finally catch a break. Gloves off.
Get water.

As I was getting back on the mat, one of the trainers- the one training the pro and amateur boxer, shakes my hand, pats me on the back and says, "Good job! Good girl! Good!" And that made my day. Makes it all worthwhile. Yes, my left arm is sore as fuck. My right, same thing. My knuckles, slightly bruised. My ego, however, is incredibly elated.

lbs. lost: 7.5
goal to lose this week: 5

why is it?

that I don't have the traveling bug, when everyone around me seems to have it?
Have I just not caught it yet? Could it be because I grew up without the luxury of vacations? Could it be because I'm a work-a-holic? Or could it be because to me, I enjoy my life the way it is- with all the luxuries and glamour it has to offer on a day to day basis? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love going out of town once in a while, seeing new things. However, I think, since I never really put much thought into traveling around the world, then I don't feel as if I'm missing out on something. Yes, the hubby and I want to travel and see the world one day. However, on our list of priorities, it's not really on the top 3. Owning our own house though, definitely number 1 priority. And yes, seeing my family in the Philippines is also important to me- at least in my top 5, but only because I feel it is important for me to connect back to who I fundamentally am and where I come from. It's a way for me to get to know myself.

Here's a few pics of my trip to the Philippines in January...

Nanay (Grandma) and Raine

My sister with relatives at the hospital

With my aunt and cousins at our cousin's baby's baptism

I'm a godmother! God help this child! HA!

my sister and our aunt

With my cousins at the hospital

One of my fave cousins (on the right) and our cousin's wife

With two of my favorite people in the Philippines (for those of you wondering, I have a few other favorite people there :)

A shocker- Super Panda with no make up! It totally melts off your face there!

Such cute kids! Amaru and Raine.

And that's not all of the Bernardino's!

Monday, April 7, 2008

God grant me...

faith and patience.
More so patience because I do believe I have the faith. Sometimes I just lack a little. Please help me to know that 2 weeks will soon be over and that Milo will be home... or please just help me find him a flight home or a ride home this weekend. It's in your hands...

Yes, I know I'm being melodramatic. However, for those of you who do not have babies at home, like I do, it's incredibly tough to be a single parent. I definitely give all those who are single parents lots of credit! It's a lot of work- yes, it's rewarding, but it's work. 2 weeks ago, Jamba had horrible diarrhea. Cash had an ear infection last week. Plenty of walks needed and of course, the feeding. They also fight now and then. It makes it a lot easier when I have someone to share the parenting with. Plus, they listen to their dad more. He's the bad cop. But look at these gorgeous faces- can't help but love them!

On another note, here's a quote I found:

"People have scars. In all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret roadmaps of their personal histories. Diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them don't. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere and though the cut's long gone, the pain still lingers."
--Dr. Meredith Grey (Grey's Anatomy)

So yesterday!

Sometime last year. Serge's first fight at House of Champions.
Those were definitely not the good ol' days.

Now with a new trainer. Definitely praying for better things to come!

Friday, April 4, 2008

I Don't Care Friday checklist

1.) Walk two miles upon waking up: check.

2.) Have tons of coffee in the morning: check.

3.) Have a fairly busy morning: check.

4.) Have lots more coffee in the afternoon: check.

5.) Have an insane afternoon, with no possibility of getting out on time, and a
huge chance of working late tonight: double check.

6.) Be late in picking up hubby from the airport during his weekend visit home from
school (btw I cannot wait til it's done with in 2 weeks): another check.

7.) Possibility of being grumpy at tonight's turn of events: triple check.

I've accomplished tons today. Not complaining about the work at all. In fact, I love it... although I'm not quite sure where I'll find an 8 year old boy who has his own recording studio at home. I'm stumped on that one. However, Super Panda REFUSES to be stumped. Instead, I have been on a quest... one that I feel will not be resolved tonight. I Don't Care Friday will turn into Chew My Butt Monday (Thanks Hallmark for these phrases which I'm absolutely in love with). I will try not to be grumpy though. Huge obstacle for me, since I have a temper. Breathe in, breathe out.

Life is GRAND! Believe me when I say that... I LOVE my work. Just crazy at the moment :)
Super Panda

Thursday, April 3, 2008

2 postings in 1 day,aren't you lucky?

My dad came to me in a dream the other night. It's been a while since he did this.
In my dream, I saw a man enter my garage dressed in a brown leather bomber jacket (one that my dad owned) just as my newphew and I were rounding the corner to go back home after walking the pugs. I ran to the garage with my pepper spray, ready to attack this intruder. I yelled, "Hey!" and he turned around. I saw his round, smiling face. He looked years younger and healthy- just like how I remember him looking when I was 9 and we went to the snow during his visit. I then said, "Oh, it's just you dad." He was still looking at me, his eyes conveying the joy he felt, still with a huge smile on his face. He stood there holding a red drill that he picked up from my garage (which we don't have). I then kept on telling him how happy he looked, and I asked him why he was so happy. Before he got a chance to respond, I woke up from my dream.

At times, when I feel him fading away, I long for some sort of sign that he is still around watching over me and my family. Even with all my longing, he doesn't always come. But then he randomly surprises me and I feel much better afterwards. However, this doesn't mean that I am hoping to see you around my house anytime soon dad... just in dreams ok? I don't think I can handle an actual sighting of you- at least not yet.

On another note, I've dropped 6 lbs. and started boxing again. BTW- thanks nutrisystem. HA! I'm glad I'm back training. I LOVE it! I cannot even emphasize that enough. It's definitely an adrenaline rush. Plus, I love the idea that I can defend myself. Now it also means a lot more knowing my dad enjoyed boxing.

in honor of my roots

The Philippines is in dire need of a leader who will actually take care of its people. I am hoping that they get one soon. There are far too many people in the Philippines living in poverty. It's a travesty in this day and age. There have been many protests recently in the hopes of ovethrowing the current president, Gloria Arroyo. Even the prisoners are doing their part...

I'm sure not a lot of people know that the Filipino people love to sing and dance. A lot of their movies are similar to Bollywood movies, in that there's a lot of dancing and singing- especially towards the end when they're all at the beach.


Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

I tried but couldn't resist posting this as the 12th

From my favorite author of all time, Paulo Coelho...

Thank you, President Bush

I wrote the letter below on March 9, 2003, ten days before the invasion of Iraq. It is the most widely read text I have written, having been published in the leading newspapers across the world and all over the Internet: close to 500 million people have read it.

The war is now entering its 6th year, and over 4,000 American soldiers have lost their lives, together with an indefinite number of Iraqis. According to the CNN (March 24, 2008), “estimates of the Iraqi death toll range from about 80,000 to the hundreds of thousands, with another 2 million forced to leave the country and 2.5 million displaced within Iraq, according to the U.N. High Commissioner for Refugees”.

Many of the people I mention have already left the scene, yet the war goes on. At the moment, there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Below are some extracts from the letter:

Thank you, great leader George W. Bush.

Thank you for showing everyone what a danger Saddam Hussein represents. Many of us might have forgotten that he used chemical weapons against his own people, against the Kurds and against the Iranians. Hussein is a bloodthirsty dictator, today seen as one of the world’s clearest expressions of evil.

But that is not the only reason I have for thanking you. During the first two months of 2003, you showed the world a great many important things. So, recalling a poem I learned as a child, I would like to express my gratitude.

Thank you for revealing to the world the enormous gulf that exists between the decisions made by those in power and the wishes of the people. Thank you for making it clear that neither José Maria Aznar nor Tony Blair really care or show the slightest respect for the votes they received. Aznar is capable of ignoring the fact that 90% of Spaniards are against the war and Blair is unmoved by the largest public demonstration to take place in England in the last thirty years.

Thank you for insisting that Tony Blair should appear before Parliament with a fabricated dossier written by a student ten years ago, and present this as 'damning evidence collected by the British Secret Service'.

Thank you too, because, after all your efforts to promote war, the normally divided Arab nations were for the first time unanimous in condemning any invasion, at a meeting held in Cairo.

Thank you also for your rhetoric stating that 'the UN now has a chance to demonstrate its relevance', which made even the most reluctant countries take a stance against any attacks.

Thank you for trying to divide a Europe that is struggling for unification; this was a warning that will not go unheeded.

Thank you for having achieved something that very few have so far managed to do in this century: bringing millions of people together on all continents to fight for the same idea, even though that idea is opposed to yours.

Thank you, because without you we would not have realized our own ability to mobilize. It may serve no purpose this time, but it will be useful later on. Now that there seems no way of silencing the drums of war, I would like to borrow the words of an ancient European king to an invader: 'May your morning be a beautiful one, with the sun shining on your soldiers' armor, for in the afternoon I will defeat you.'

So, enjoy your morning and whatever glory it may yet bring you.

Thank you for not listening to us and not taking us seriously, but understand that we hear you and will not forget your words.

Thank you, great leader George W. Bush.
Thank you very much. Copyright @ 2008 by Paulo Coelho