Anyhow, I really miss my old body. I miss fitting into my old clothes, shoes.
I miss my non chubby face.
Life is GRAND!
Showing posts with label changes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label changes. Show all posts
Friday, May 6, 2011
On A Side Note
2 postings in one day... Wow! A rare occasion indeed!
Anyhow, I really miss my old body. I miss fitting into my old clothes, shoes.
I miss my non chubby face.
Life is GRAND!
Anyhow, I really miss my old body. I miss fitting into my old clothes, shoes.
I miss my non chubby face.
Life is GRAND!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Lost
It's Thursday. I haven't heard from the principal for about a week and a half now.
I'm not sure what's happening.
At this point, it feels that my future is uncertain.
Clearly a feeling that I'm all too familiar with, but definitely something I'm not comfortable with.
The little girl inside of me wants to just weep and weep for all that is happening.
All the good bye's, the unclear tomorrow's.
It's just too much emotion.
I think it mostly wants to weep because of the uncertainty.
I feel so lost. Like I fell off the tracks and don't know how to get back on.
Something clearly has to happen, or change, or something.
I just don't know what needs to happen.
Life is GRAND- just extremely trying and frustrating at times.
Super Panda
I'm not sure what's happening.
At this point, it feels that my future is uncertain.
Clearly a feeling that I'm all too familiar with, but definitely something I'm not comfortable with.
The little girl inside of me wants to just weep and weep for all that is happening.
All the good bye's, the unclear tomorrow's.
It's just too much emotion.
I think it mostly wants to weep because of the uncertainty.
I feel so lost. Like I fell off the tracks and don't know how to get back on.
Something clearly has to happen, or change, or something.
I just don't know what needs to happen.
Life is GRAND- just extremely trying and frustrating at times.
Super Panda
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Thank You
to my therapist, Marjorie.
She has helped me in so many ways.
Today was our last session since my life is going in a new direction and def need to save. Not that therapy was a luxury, ok, it kinda is.
Anyhow, if it hasn't been for her, I don't think I'd know myself as well as I do at this point in my life.
Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for listening, and understanding.
You've given me so much more than you know.
I've valued every minute of our time spent together.
I know that the best is yet to come. I am holding out for it :)
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
She has helped me in so many ways.
Today was our last session since my life is going in a new direction and def need to save. Not that therapy was a luxury, ok, it kinda is.
Anyhow, if it hasn't been for her, I don't think I'd know myself as well as I do at this point in my life.
Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for listening, and understanding.
You've given me so much more than you know.
I've valued every minute of our time spent together.
I know that the best is yet to come. I am holding out for it :)
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Closing a Chapter
Sometime this afternoon, my MIL approached me and asked me to come in to her office. I obliged. Not that I really had a choice :)
We talked shop for a bit, but then the inevitable "talk" happened.
She asked me what my plans are... I asked her if she meant in the long run and she said yes.
And so I did myself and her a favor and told her about my plans about becoming a teacher. I told her this was the reason I was going back to school- to earn my masters and credentials. I told her that I'm grateful for everything she's done for me, but I do believe this is the right step for me because we're planning on starting a family soon, and I want to be able to have time with my children.
She asked me a few basic questions- how are we going to make it financially?
If I'm sure. And then others I cannot remember.
I told her I'm not quite sure of the answers, but that we'd figure it out somehow. That we've always been taken care of, and that I just have to trust and believe that we're going to be okay.
She laid out the rules- told me I cannot tell any talents, nor any vendors. I agreed. I did tell her that I told the Halfie, because after all, she is one of my closest friends. We still have to work out logistics- time frames, etc. but I think we're going to be ok. I know she needed to know so that her business is taken care of, as well as our talents. I would never have taken that right away from her by simply leaving with no more than a few weeks notice.
She told me that she wishes nothing but the best for me, and that she thinks this will be better for both of us. I told her I hope for the same.
So with that, my friends, I have been liberated.
Not fired- because I still have a job and still work here, but I've been given the green light.
Given the green light to pursue my dreams, with no guilt or shame.
BITTERSWEET. That's the word that comes to mind. Bitter because I have met a ton of people, and have enjoyed all the perks and allowances that my job provided (and still continues to provide). Sweet because I feel free- free to live my own life, have a career of my choosing, rather than just living out someone's idea of what my life should be like, and also because I now feel so much more in control of my own destiny. Much more so than I have ever felt.
I am also a wee bit scared- scared that I may not have a job anytime soon. Scared that we may not make it.
HOWEVER, those have have never been options for me. And clearly, they still are not options for me, so I won't indulge. I do however, reserve the right to once in a while vent and air out my frustrations and fear.
But for now, I will bask in the moment. Bask in how peaceful everything came about.
There were no tears, no mean comments, no below the belt remarks. It actually felt like a conversation that we should have had a long time ago. It was a conversation that felt sincere and genuine.
And for that I am grateful. I certainly could not have imagined it going this well, no matter how many times I've replayed this scenario in my head.
I feel that things are progressing. In their own way. Things are happening just as they're supposed to.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
We talked shop for a bit, but then the inevitable "talk" happened.
She asked me what my plans are... I asked her if she meant in the long run and she said yes.
And so I did myself and her a favor and told her about my plans about becoming a teacher. I told her this was the reason I was going back to school- to earn my masters and credentials. I told her that I'm grateful for everything she's done for me, but I do believe this is the right step for me because we're planning on starting a family soon, and I want to be able to have time with my children.
She asked me a few basic questions- how are we going to make it financially?
If I'm sure. And then others I cannot remember.
I told her I'm not quite sure of the answers, but that we'd figure it out somehow. That we've always been taken care of, and that I just have to trust and believe that we're going to be okay.
She laid out the rules- told me I cannot tell any talents, nor any vendors. I agreed. I did tell her that I told the Halfie, because after all, she is one of my closest friends. We still have to work out logistics- time frames, etc. but I think we're going to be ok. I know she needed to know so that her business is taken care of, as well as our talents. I would never have taken that right away from her by simply leaving with no more than a few weeks notice.
She told me that she wishes nothing but the best for me, and that she thinks this will be better for both of us. I told her I hope for the same.
So with that, my friends, I have been liberated.
Not fired- because I still have a job and still work here, but I've been given the green light.
Given the green light to pursue my dreams, with no guilt or shame.
BITTERSWEET. That's the word that comes to mind. Bitter because I have met a ton of people, and have enjoyed all the perks and allowances that my job provided (and still continues to provide). Sweet because I feel free- free to live my own life, have a career of my choosing, rather than just living out someone's idea of what my life should be like, and also because I now feel so much more in control of my own destiny. Much more so than I have ever felt.
I am also a wee bit scared- scared that I may not have a job anytime soon. Scared that we may not make it.
HOWEVER, those have have never been options for me. And clearly, they still are not options for me, so I won't indulge. I do however, reserve the right to once in a while vent and air out my frustrations and fear.
But for now, I will bask in the moment. Bask in how peaceful everything came about.
There were no tears, no mean comments, no below the belt remarks. It actually felt like a conversation that we should have had a long time ago. It was a conversation that felt sincere and genuine.
And for that I am grateful. I certainly could not have imagined it going this well, no matter how many times I've replayed this scenario in my head.
I feel that things are progressing. In their own way. Things are happening just as they're supposed to.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The Pity Party Parade
Came to town early this morning, and it's lingering.
I am an emotional wreck.
I am doing everything I can so as not to start sobbing here in my office.
I. JUST. DON'T. WANT. TO. BE. HERE.
I haven't heard from any schools regarding my resume.
I feel like I'm running out of time. Out of hope.
As the days go by, I feel as if the walls are closing in- but really, it's because my MIL is coming back and that's got me panicking.
I just need someone, anyone, to give me a chance.
I have been begging desperately through prayer for a shot at something.
And PLAN B, isn't really all that appealing. Not that there's a concrete PLAN B.
I feel as if I've hit rock bottom. So much so, that I don't even like my own company.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
I am an emotional wreck.
I am doing everything I can so as not to start sobbing here in my office.
I. JUST. DON'T. WANT. TO. BE. HERE.
I haven't heard from any schools regarding my resume.
I feel like I'm running out of time. Out of hope.
As the days go by, I feel as if the walls are closing in- but really, it's because my MIL is coming back and that's got me panicking.
I just need someone, anyone, to give me a chance.
I have been begging desperately through prayer for a shot at something.
And PLAN B, isn't really all that appealing. Not that there's a concrete PLAN B.
I feel as if I've hit rock bottom. So much so, that I don't even like my own company.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Monday, May 18, 2009
Job Hunt Update
I called today to follow up.
I got 2 voicemails, and 1 Vice Principal.
I hope the ones I left messages for call me back.
I hope the Vice Principal decides that she'd like to meet me.
I think the English teacher position at St. Genevieve has been filled. The job is no longer posted on their school website. Bummer! It just means that this wasn't my spot. The right school will come along.
And guess what? An opening at Holy Family High School opened up today in the English Department.
Perhaps that's the right spot??
According to the Vice Principal, they don't start calling for interviews until they have at least 5 resumes. They just posted the job today. She said that hopefully I hear from someone within the next 3-4 days. Keep your fingers crossed.
Please.
I know that the right school, the right position will come along.
I just CANNOT wait! I'm so excited!
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
I got 2 voicemails, and 1 Vice Principal.
I hope the ones I left messages for call me back.
I hope the Vice Principal decides that she'd like to meet me.
I think the English teacher position at St. Genevieve has been filled. The job is no longer posted on their school website. Bummer! It just means that this wasn't my spot. The right school will come along.
And guess what? An opening at Holy Family High School opened up today in the English Department.
Perhaps that's the right spot??
According to the Vice Principal, they don't start calling for interviews until they have at least 5 resumes. They just posted the job today. She said that hopefully I hear from someone within the next 3-4 days. Keep your fingers crossed.
Please.
I know that the right school, the right position will come along.
I just CANNOT wait! I'm so excited!
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
All Signs Point to YES!
Ok, I know there are a few of you who might be skeptics, or might just plain call BS on what's about to be written... but please, don't say I didn't warn you.
This is also based on my belief system, and this is my blog, so quite frankly, my dears, I just don't give a damn :)
I spoke to Rex yesterday. Rex is my astrologer. This man has said so many things that have taken place in my life. I see him about once a year.
Yesterday, we had our first phone conversation because I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing in terms of looking for a new job.
And yes, I am.
He said that I need to go before it affects my health any more.
That my time here is up. That I am unhappy. Things that I never told him.
He mentioned that there is a mother figure (whether my MIL or my own) that is causing problems for me. HA! Little does he know.
Anyhow, according to Rex, I will be an inspired teacher.
I will have a teaching job this coming school year.
He said that the way I dress for work will definitely change. That I will be dressing formally.
HA! Especially cause I wear work out clothes now. Yes, work out clothes.
I work out during lunch, before work, after work.
Crazy, I know.
So, this is my new life. Welcome to the chaos of job hunting, more specifically career transitioning. I am excited for all the possibilities that lay ahead.
Keep me in your prayers!!
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
This is also based on my belief system, and this is my blog, so quite frankly, my dears, I just don't give a damn :)
I spoke to Rex yesterday. Rex is my astrologer. This man has said so many things that have taken place in my life. I see him about once a year.
Yesterday, we had our first phone conversation because I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing in terms of looking for a new job.
And yes, I am.
He said that I need to go before it affects my health any more.
That my time here is up. That I am unhappy. Things that I never told him.
He mentioned that there is a mother figure (whether my MIL or my own) that is causing problems for me. HA! Little does he know.
Anyhow, according to Rex, I will be an inspired teacher.
I will have a teaching job this coming school year.
He said that the way I dress for work will definitely change. That I will be dressing formally.
HA! Especially cause I wear work out clothes now. Yes, work out clothes.
I work out during lunch, before work, after work.
Crazy, I know.
So, this is my new life. Welcome to the chaos of job hunting, more specifically career transitioning. I am excited for all the possibilities that lay ahead.
Keep me in your prayers!!
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Trust Your Journey
That is something I am currently having some problems with.
As much as I don't give into doubting myself much, I cannot help but indulge it from time to time. After all, whatever you resist, persists, and I for one, certainly do not want this feeling lingering around.
I have yet to hear from any of the schools I have applied to. I did get a response from the Vice Principal at St. Monica's high school saying she'll forward my resume to the right people. That's a start. However, my first choice (St. Genevieve High) or second choice (Guardian Angel) still have yet to respond.
Soon, I tell myself. Soon. They will be calling me to set up an interview. I guess the reason I wanted it to happen sooner than the fates will allow is that for the whole month of May, my boss is out of the office, making it easier for me to go to interviews, because quite frankly, I've never been a good liar. And that's what I would have to do if I have an interview when she's back.
Anyhow, since I'm not above begging, please, I am asking for you, my dear readers, to pray for me. Pray that I have a job soon. A job that I enjoy, in an environment where I will thrive. As a reminder, please remember that me being unhappy DOES NOT equal me being ungrateful. They are entirely 2 different things. I am extremely grateful for all that I have been blessed with, even this experience. However, I am not happy at my place of business.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
As much as I don't give into doubting myself much, I cannot help but indulge it from time to time. After all, whatever you resist, persists, and I for one, certainly do not want this feeling lingering around.
I have yet to hear from any of the schools I have applied to. I did get a response from the Vice Principal at St. Monica's high school saying she'll forward my resume to the right people. That's a start. However, my first choice (St. Genevieve High) or second choice (Guardian Angel) still have yet to respond.
Soon, I tell myself. Soon. They will be calling me to set up an interview. I guess the reason I wanted it to happen sooner than the fates will allow is that for the whole month of May, my boss is out of the office, making it easier for me to go to interviews, because quite frankly, I've never been a good liar. And that's what I would have to do if I have an interview when she's back.
Anyhow, since I'm not above begging, please, I am asking for you, my dear readers, to pray for me. Pray that I have a job soon. A job that I enjoy, in an environment where I will thrive. As a reminder, please remember that me being unhappy DOES NOT equal me being ungrateful. They are entirely 2 different things. I am extremely grateful for all that I have been blessed with, even this experience. However, I am not happy at my place of business.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Believe, Behave, Become
Everyday, the Universe is conspiring to make sure that I am aware that I am no longer meant to be here.
Today is definitely one of those days.
And it is not even 11:30 yet.
I am counting down the days until I am actually doing what it is I'm meant to be doing.
I am following my path, however it's been paved.
I just need the patience for the journey.
And yes, I've thought about what I would do should I not get a teaching job for the Fall 2009 school year. However, I can tell you for sure that I have NEVER been one for contingency plans. I'm a firm believer that if you ask, then you shall receive. And plus, I'm doing my share of the work. Everyday I am. I KNOW that the Universe will meet me halfway. Should it not be for the Fall 2009 school year, then I know that something else is in the works for me. That's how it works folks. Trust. I trust that things will happen when they are supposed to. That a spot is open just for me. That I am taken care of, and well provided for. That I will get what I need and want at the right time. Call it blind faith. But isn't faith all blind?
And no, I have not always been this way. At times, I've been controlling. Far too controlling than was healthy, or right, because there are things that are just too far out of our control. Plus, I've learned that life is so much sweeter when you let go of things that you cannot control. It's far easier to roll with the tide, than it is to resist change. And yes, I may feel disappointed over events that may not go as I imagined, but it's all a process, really.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Today is definitely one of those days.
And it is not even 11:30 yet.
I am counting down the days until I am actually doing what it is I'm meant to be doing.
I am following my path, however it's been paved.
I just need the patience for the journey.
And yes, I've thought about what I would do should I not get a teaching job for the Fall 2009 school year. However, I can tell you for sure that I have NEVER been one for contingency plans. I'm a firm believer that if you ask, then you shall receive. And plus, I'm doing my share of the work. Everyday I am. I KNOW that the Universe will meet me halfway. Should it not be for the Fall 2009 school year, then I know that something else is in the works for me. That's how it works folks. Trust. I trust that things will happen when they are supposed to. That a spot is open just for me. That I am taken care of, and well provided for. That I will get what I need and want at the right time. Call it blind faith. But isn't faith all blind?
And no, I have not always been this way. At times, I've been controlling. Far too controlling than was healthy, or right, because there are things that are just too far out of our control. Plus, I've learned that life is so much sweeter when you let go of things that you cannot control. It's far easier to roll with the tide, than it is to resist change. And yes, I may feel disappointed over events that may not go as I imagined, but it's all a process, really.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Thursday, May 7, 2009
I Choose Life
And really, I'm claiming my right to choose.
My right to my own life.
My right to enjoy my personal life.
My right to establish boundaries between my personal and professional life.
My right to be in control of my life.
These are a few things that I've given up while I was pursuing my career now.
And while I'm so grateful for how my life has turned out, how my career has blossomed into what it is now, I'm also ready to for a change.
Ready to claim what is rightfully mine.
And what's listed above are a few of those things.
Please keep on praying that all will work out.
For everything that has been, THANKS!
For everything that will be, YES!
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
My right to my own life.
My right to enjoy my personal life.
My right to establish boundaries between my personal and professional life.
My right to be in control of my life.
These are a few things that I've given up while I was pursuing my career now.
And while I'm so grateful for how my life has turned out, how my career has blossomed into what it is now, I'm also ready to for a change.
Ready to claim what is rightfully mine.
And what's listed above are a few of those things.
Please keep on praying that all will work out.
For everything that has been, THANKS!
For everything that will be, YES!
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Friday, April 10, 2009
Spring is in the air!
Which means something new is about to happen around here.
Stay tuned! I'm not one for surprises, nor am I one for keeping my mouth shut, but I thought I'd try it just this once.
Let's see how long I can hold it for.
*OK- and NO, we are not preggers, which means we are not having a baby*
On another note, had a great day at the mall today. I def can do damage at that place, and my activities today totes proved that.
I SOOO deserved it. Thanks to my two shopping buddies, Priscilla Miscilla, and Little Miss A.
Please refer to a previous post from a few days ago when I reiterate this...
One of the reasons I like the hubby is...
-Because no matter how much I shop and how much money I spend you never get really mad (and we both know I have expensive taste).
Even though nothing that cost too much was purchased today, a lot of little things were that add up to one big amount. I have reached my shopping quota for the month, and damn, it's not even mid month yet. Yikes!
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Stay tuned! I'm not one for surprises, nor am I one for keeping my mouth shut, but I thought I'd try it just this once.
Let's see how long I can hold it for.
*OK- and NO, we are not preggers, which means we are not having a baby*
On another note, had a great day at the mall today. I def can do damage at that place, and my activities today totes proved that.
I SOOO deserved it. Thanks to my two shopping buddies, Priscilla Miscilla, and Little Miss A.
Please refer to a previous post from a few days ago when I reiterate this...
One of the reasons I like the hubby is...
-Because no matter how much I shop and how much money I spend you never get really mad (and we both know I have expensive taste).
Even though nothing that cost too much was purchased today, a lot of little things were that add up to one big amount. I have reached my shopping quota for the month, and damn, it's not even mid month yet. Yikes!
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
