OK, it begins on Monday, but still...
It is 4 AM and I cannot go back to sleep.
I feel as if I'm in a state of mourning in so many ways.
For the past few months, I have longed for a new job. I have worked dilligently towards a new career- enrolled in school, sent out resumes, have gone on numerous interviews. And a few of those interviews were so promising.
Yet, a full time teaching position did not materialize.
Up until yesterday, I had some sort of hope that I would get an offer for a teaching position.
But, to my dismay, that did not happen.
What I did get is this...
an offer to work at a great school as a receptionist (and also as a substitute teacher throughout the school year).
A gift wrapped in a completely different package than what I was expecting.
OR clearly, that is how I should look at it as, because there's always a silver lining somewhere.
In so many ways, I feel that a brand new me is emerging. Or it could be the brand new lifestyle that the hubby and I are about to embark on. I am on the cusp, yet I'm finding it so hard to dive right in.
All the fears I have are lingering around. I wonder what made them decide to emerge so late in the game. Or could it have been that they were here all along, yet I just failed to notice them? And if so, how could I have ignored them then, but not now? Not when I'm right on the brink of this new life.
Or the reality of it is, that it could just be my ego talking.
This truly is a humbling change for me.
I am coming from a completely different background/ lifestyle.
At the age of 26, I have made a name for myself in a completely different industry. I was able to buy a house with my husband, and live a life of luxury (by our own standards). And all that is changing. And I'm afraid. Gone are the days when we had so much disposable income. Gone are the days when I could just shop and not care as much about the expense.
Today, the reality of all that is sinking in.
I was a damn good talent manager, if i do say so myself.
I negotiated well, and dealt with vendors and talents well.
Yet somehow, somewhere along the way, I lost the passion for all of it. It could have been when my dad died and I went to the Philippines and saw how much simpler life could be (and of course be happy). Cause I did experience all of that.
I don't know. But it happened, and here I am now.
I sometimes feel like a fool. Throwing away all I have. But, it no longer makes me happy.
So the real question is, why is it then, if it no longer made me happy, that I'm sad to be leaving it all behind?
Perhaps I'm grieving all that I'm leaving behind. And I'm in trepidation of what's ahead.
Throughout this whole journey, I have always had faith in God- although it wavered quite a bit, and I questioned my path at times (like I'm doing now). Again, there has to be a silver lining in all of this. A gift, if you will. I've always been a firm believer in things happening for a reason. And I'm desperately looking for a reason now.
I have a gift in front of me. A gift that came unexpectedly- presented to me in a completely different way than what I had expected. And I'm so hesitant to unwrap, and discover what lays ahead.
Life is GRAND- and it will always be, it's just sometimes hard.
Super Panda
Showing posts with label grace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grace. Show all posts
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Tomorrow, Tomorrow
I should find out whether the job is really mine or not.
I got an email from the principal saying that she'll be going over my paperwork with the pastor and that she'd let me know by Tuesday.
Oh Tuesday, you seem so far away.
I also have an interview tomorrow. For a substitute teaching position.
And I got a call today for a tutoring position. Nice way to make extra bucks on the side.
Love it.
It seems that things could possibly be falling into place.
I know things will happen as God intends.
I have certainly learned a lot about myself throughout this whole process.
I cannot wait until I leave everything behind, and start anew.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
I got an email from the principal saying that she'll be going over my paperwork with the pastor and that she'd let me know by Tuesday.
Oh Tuesday, you seem so far away.
I also have an interview tomorrow. For a substitute teaching position.
And I got a call today for a tutoring position. Nice way to make extra bucks on the side.
Love it.
It seems that things could possibly be falling into place.
I know things will happen as God intends.
I have certainly learned a lot about myself throughout this whole process.
I cannot wait until I leave everything behind, and start anew.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Thursday, August 6, 2009
from my favorite author, Paulo Coelho
(from Warrior of the Light)
Things as they are
Of course things don’t always happen they way we wish they would. There are moments in which we feel we are seeking something that is not meant for us, knocking on doors that don’t open, waiting for miracles that don’t manifest themselves.
Fortunately that is the way things are - if everything went the way we wanted, soon we would no longer have anything to write about, nothing to guide our daily thoughts. This script serves our dreams as nourishment, but to our battles as energy. And as it always happens with the warriors that spend all their energy in the Good Fight, there are moments in which it is best to relax and believe that the Universe is still working for us secretly, even if we cannot comprehend it.
And so, let us allow the Soul of the World to fulfill its mission, and if we can’t help, the best way to collaborate is to pay attention to the simple things in life; the sunset, the people in the street, the reading of a book.
However, in many cases, time continues passing and nothing exceptional happens. But the true warrior of light believes. Just like children believe.
Because they believe in miracles, the miracles begin to happen.
Because they are certain that their thoughts can change their lives, their lives begin to change.
Because they are certain they will find love, this love appears.
Sometimes they are disappointed. Sometimes they feel hurt.
Then they hear the comments, “you are so naïve!”
But the warrior knows it is worth the price. To each defeat, there are two conquests in his favor.
In an interesting and diminutive book called “The Breviary of Medieval Knights,” there are some passages that have to be remembered in these moments of waiting:
"The Path’s spiritual energy uses justice and patience to prepare your spirit.”
“This is the Knight’s Path. An easy and hard path at the same time, as it urges us to let aside useless things and relative friendships. That is why, at the beginning, we hesitate so much to follow it.”
"This is a Knight's first teaching: you will erase everything you wrote up to now on your life’s notebook: turmoil, insecurities, lies. And in place of all that, you will write the word courage. Beginning the journey with this word and going on with faith in God, you will arrive where you need to arrive.”
Even so, sometimes we keep on waiting - with patience, resignation, courage - and still, things around us don’t move. But since this is the path we chose, it seems impossible that life’s blessings are not working in our favor. It provokes, therefore, a deep reflection about what we call "results:" our destiny is manifesting itself in a way we are not able to fully comprehend . Jorge Luís Borges wrote a masterly short story about this issue.
He describes the birth of a tiger that spends great part of its life in the African wildness but ends up being captured and taken to a zoo in Italy. From then on, the animal thinks his life has lost sense and there is nothing left to do but wait for the day he dies.
One fine day, poet Dante Alighieri passes by this zoo, looks at the tiger, and the animal inspires a verse – in the midst of thousands of verses – of "The Divine Comedy."
"The entire battle for survival that tiger went through was only so that it could be at the zoo on that morning and inspire an immortal verse,” says Borges.
Just like this tiger, we all have a reason – a very important reason – to be here, at this moment, this morning.
So relax. And pay attention.
Things as they are
Of course things don’t always happen they way we wish they would. There are moments in which we feel we are seeking something that is not meant for us, knocking on doors that don’t open, waiting for miracles that don’t manifest themselves.
Fortunately that is the way things are - if everything went the way we wanted, soon we would no longer have anything to write about, nothing to guide our daily thoughts. This script serves our dreams as nourishment, but to our battles as energy. And as it always happens with the warriors that spend all their energy in the Good Fight, there are moments in which it is best to relax and believe that the Universe is still working for us secretly, even if we cannot comprehend it.
And so, let us allow the Soul of the World to fulfill its mission, and if we can’t help, the best way to collaborate is to pay attention to the simple things in life; the sunset, the people in the street, the reading of a book.
However, in many cases, time continues passing and nothing exceptional happens. But the true warrior of light believes. Just like children believe.
Because they believe in miracles, the miracles begin to happen.
Because they are certain that their thoughts can change their lives, their lives begin to change.
Because they are certain they will find love, this love appears.
Sometimes they are disappointed. Sometimes they feel hurt.
Then they hear the comments, “you are so naïve!”
But the warrior knows it is worth the price. To each defeat, there are two conquests in his favor.
In an interesting and diminutive book called “The Breviary of Medieval Knights,” there are some passages that have to be remembered in these moments of waiting:
"The Path’s spiritual energy uses justice and patience to prepare your spirit.”
“This is the Knight’s Path. An easy and hard path at the same time, as it urges us to let aside useless things and relative friendships. That is why, at the beginning, we hesitate so much to follow it.”
"This is a Knight's first teaching: you will erase everything you wrote up to now on your life’s notebook: turmoil, insecurities, lies. And in place of all that, you will write the word courage. Beginning the journey with this word and going on with faith in God, you will arrive where you need to arrive.”
Even so, sometimes we keep on waiting - with patience, resignation, courage - and still, things around us don’t move. But since this is the path we chose, it seems impossible that life’s blessings are not working in our favor. It provokes, therefore, a deep reflection about what we call "results:" our destiny is manifesting itself in a way we are not able to fully comprehend . Jorge Luís Borges wrote a masterly short story about this issue.
He describes the birth of a tiger that spends great part of its life in the African wildness but ends up being captured and taken to a zoo in Italy. From then on, the animal thinks his life has lost sense and there is nothing left to do but wait for the day he dies.
One fine day, poet Dante Alighieri passes by this zoo, looks at the tiger, and the animal inspires a verse – in the midst of thousands of verses – of "The Divine Comedy."
"The entire battle for survival that tiger went through was only so that it could be at the zoo on that morning and inspire an immortal verse,” says Borges.
Just like this tiger, we all have a reason – a very important reason – to be here, at this moment, this morning.
So relax. And pay attention.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Way Exhausted Wednesday
Yep, that about sums me up right now.
Last week and through the weekend, I worked myself up into an emotional frenzy because I hadn't heard from my principal yet about my job. She was on jury duty last week, and when I called on Monday, she was on vaca.
On top of all my new job stress, The New Girl, came into town this week.
Cue the nightmarish flashbacks from when she used to work here 4 years ago.
However, to my surprise...
She's changed! A lot.
Funny how time really changes people, and makes a huge difference!
It is my belief that should we have started working together now, at this point in our lives, we would have been friends.
I'm helping her out a lot- giving her tips, etc. She's scared, mainly because I've taken on the job of what 2 or 3 people would normally do. That she's afraid she cannot do. I'm glad she realizes her strengths and weaknesses that way we are able to adjust it prior to her taking over full time. I wish her nothing but the best.
As for me, I wish me nothing but the best.
The signs I asked for regarding my teaching job, I've received.
Now, please, I'd love to move on from the signs and actually get the call or the email or the meeting.
That would be totes fab!
Life is GRAND- although it highly requires patience.
Super Panda
Last week and through the weekend, I worked myself up into an emotional frenzy because I hadn't heard from my principal yet about my job. She was on jury duty last week, and when I called on Monday, she was on vaca.
On top of all my new job stress, The New Girl, came into town this week.
Cue the nightmarish flashbacks from when she used to work here 4 years ago.
However, to my surprise...
She's changed! A lot.
Funny how time really changes people, and makes a huge difference!
It is my belief that should we have started working together now, at this point in our lives, we would have been friends.
I'm helping her out a lot- giving her tips, etc. She's scared, mainly because I've taken on the job of what 2 or 3 people would normally do. That she's afraid she cannot do. I'm glad she realizes her strengths and weaknesses that way we are able to adjust it prior to her taking over full time. I wish her nothing but the best.
As for me, I wish me nothing but the best.
The signs I asked for regarding my teaching job, I've received.
Now, please, I'd love to move on from the signs and actually get the call or the email or the meeting.
That would be totes fab!
Life is GRAND- although it highly requires patience.
Super Panda
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Good Bye's
I am not a fan of good bye's. Never have been, and probably never will be.
I get too sentimental. Too attached.
Some may say I care too much.
Perhaps all of the above are true.
In so many ways, I'm quite sure they are.
As I near the final weeks of my stay at Cope Management, the good bye's are pouring in. And just as expected, they are tough moments. Bittersweet is the word.
I am grateful for every single person that has helped foster my career. I wouldn't be where I am today without any of you. I am grateful for all the opportunities my career has afforded me. In my mid 20's, I am/ was making more money than most people my age. I have a great car, a house, and of course a few of life's luxuries. Not to mention a fabulous husband and 2 lovely pups. I also am more confident in myself and my abilities. In my few short years into adulthood, I have accomplished a lot more than I could ever have imagined. I am grateful for all this. Every single experience I've had at Cope Management has shaped me in every way. My family came here from a 3rd world country, and never did Idream that I would be doing what I have been doing for the past few years. It has opened my eyes to so many things and have taught me a lot. Everyday I am grateful for this.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
I get too sentimental. Too attached.
Some may say I care too much.
Perhaps all of the above are true.
In so many ways, I'm quite sure they are.
As I near the final weeks of my stay at Cope Management, the good bye's are pouring in. And just as expected, they are tough moments. Bittersweet is the word.
I am grateful for every single person that has helped foster my career. I wouldn't be where I am today without any of you. I am grateful for all the opportunities my career has afforded me. In my mid 20's, I am/ was making more money than most people my age. I have a great car, a house, and of course a few of life's luxuries. Not to mention a fabulous husband and 2 lovely pups. I also am more confident in myself and my abilities. In my few short years into adulthood, I have accomplished a lot more than I could ever have imagined. I am grateful for all this. Every single experience I've had at Cope Management has shaped me in every way. My family came here from a 3rd world country, and never did Idream that I would be doing what I have been doing for the past few years. It has opened my eyes to so many things and have taught me a lot. Everyday I am grateful for this.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Friday, July 10, 2009
Cry Baby
Yep, that's me lately.
Last night after dinner, while trying to lesson plan, I found myself bawling on the couch. I was sobbing about leaving the people at my current job- how hard I've worked for them, and that now, with someone else doing my work, it's no longer in my control. I will no longer have the same interaction I have with them on a daily basis. I'm worried that all the hard work that I've done will be for naught- all the relationships I've formed with vendors, etc.
Then I cried about this new phase I'm going to- how I have no experience as a teacher, and it will definitely be challenging for me. I think it's because I really just want to be a good teacher- someone the kids love and someone who can relay information clearly. I want to make a difference.
This whole transition phase- it's definitely getting the best of me.
However, I know that I am moving forward, in the direction of what God has intended for me. It's just a little hard sometimes.
Today, after a hard run, grief took over. As Freebird by Lynrd Skynrd was playing, I wept about my dad. With all that has been going on, it's been a nice distraction from the pain that still somewhat takes over me when I think about my dad no longer being around. Yes we had a pained relationship. But nonetheless, he was my dad, and I remember him being my hero as a little girl. I know that up until he passed, he was my champion. And I'm sure wherever he is, he's still pushing and prodding me along. I just sometimes wish it were easier. But alas, such is life.
I know I'm being guided. I know that I just need to trust in the process, and in God's grace. Things are moving along just as they should. I know that I'm just sad over the end of one thing, and the absolute uncertainty of what I'm about to venture into. I know that I should have faith in all of it.
And really, thank goodness for my wonderful husband. Without him, I wouldn't be as strong and resolved as I am now. He's going into this new phase with me, and I so appreciate his support. He hugs me when I'm sad, and dries away my tears. Thank you.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Last night after dinner, while trying to lesson plan, I found myself bawling on the couch. I was sobbing about leaving the people at my current job- how hard I've worked for them, and that now, with someone else doing my work, it's no longer in my control. I will no longer have the same interaction I have with them on a daily basis. I'm worried that all the hard work that I've done will be for naught- all the relationships I've formed with vendors, etc.
Then I cried about this new phase I'm going to- how I have no experience as a teacher, and it will definitely be challenging for me. I think it's because I really just want to be a good teacher- someone the kids love and someone who can relay information clearly. I want to make a difference.
This whole transition phase- it's definitely getting the best of me.
However, I know that I am moving forward, in the direction of what God has intended for me. It's just a little hard sometimes.
Today, after a hard run, grief took over. As Freebird by Lynrd Skynrd was playing, I wept about my dad. With all that has been going on, it's been a nice distraction from the pain that still somewhat takes over me when I think about my dad no longer being around. Yes we had a pained relationship. But nonetheless, he was my dad, and I remember him being my hero as a little girl. I know that up until he passed, he was my champion. And I'm sure wherever he is, he's still pushing and prodding me along. I just sometimes wish it were easier. But alas, such is life.
I know I'm being guided. I know that I just need to trust in the process, and in God's grace. Things are moving along just as they should. I know that I'm just sad over the end of one thing, and the absolute uncertainty of what I'm about to venture into. I know that I should have faith in all of it.
And really, thank goodness for my wonderful husband. Without him, I wouldn't be as strong and resolved as I am now. He's going into this new phase with me, and I so appreciate his support. He hugs me when I'm sad, and dries away my tears. Thank you.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Your Best Days Are Yet to Come
And I wholeheartedly believe in that.
I know that for a while, dark clouds hovered over me.
However, the sun is now shining brightly.
For the first time, in a really long while, I feel like myself.
My MIL and I are being completely honest and genuine with each other.
She's been really supportive of me finding a job. She even knows I have an interview tomorrow! I definitely feel that our relationship is on the mend, and that me leaving is the best thing that I could do for both of us.
We're even planning on having them over for dinner next week :)
I know that great things are in store for me.
Great things such as a teaching job.
I know that for sure.
Things are working out just as they should. I'm grateful for it all.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
I know that for a while, dark clouds hovered over me.
However, the sun is now shining brightly.
For the first time, in a really long while, I feel like myself.
My MIL and I are being completely honest and genuine with each other.
She's been really supportive of me finding a job. She even knows I have an interview tomorrow! I definitely feel that our relationship is on the mend, and that me leaving is the best thing that I could do for both of us.
We're even planning on having them over for dinner next week :)
I know that great things are in store for me.
Great things such as a teaching job.
I know that for sure.
Things are working out just as they should. I'm grateful for it all.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
So the Naysayers
keep on saying...
*that they are worried for me.
*that they are nervous for me.
I know. These things I feel for myself too.
However, I do know that I will no longer sit around waiting for things to change on their own. The right job won't come along while I sit on my butt.
I've spent countless days doing just that.
Sitting, hoping, praying that a headhunter will notice my talents and offer me something more.
I know that I am meant for something more than what I'm currently doing.
I believe in that. I believe in me.
Again, I know that sometimes I falter. Sometimes I weaken in my beliefs.
However, in the grand scheme of things, I know that I'm not meant to sit behind this desk for all my life.
So, please. I know you're just concerned. I know that you're maybe, just looking out for me. But do know that I don't do anything without thinking it through first. The hubby and I have thought long and hard about this. In the end, we know this is the right decision for us. For the family we're going to have one day.
Please trust in me. Just support and encourage me. Because when you speak your concerns, somehow, it turns up the volume on my own concerns. And then I can't get it out of my head- the fear, the worry, the noise.
They are all just distractions, you see. Because I know deep down that I will be taken care of. Call if blind faith, if you will. Call it wishful thinking. Call it hope. I know that in the end, whether I see it now or not, things are working just as they should be.
So, please... encourage me. Tell me that you think I'm doing the right thing by finding and pursuing my passion. Give me a pat on the back for following my dreams. I know that there's far too many of you out there who are just sitting on your butts wishing you could do the same. But you're not because your fears are stopping you.
But I refuse to be tied down by that fear anymore. I refuse to be held back.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
*that they are worried for me.
*that they are nervous for me.
I know. These things I feel for myself too.
However, I do know that I will no longer sit around waiting for things to change on their own. The right job won't come along while I sit on my butt.
I've spent countless days doing just that.
Sitting, hoping, praying that a headhunter will notice my talents and offer me something more.
I know that I am meant for something more than what I'm currently doing.
I believe in that. I believe in me.
Again, I know that sometimes I falter. Sometimes I weaken in my beliefs.
However, in the grand scheme of things, I know that I'm not meant to sit behind this desk for all my life.
So, please. I know you're just concerned. I know that you're maybe, just looking out for me. But do know that I don't do anything without thinking it through first. The hubby and I have thought long and hard about this. In the end, we know this is the right decision for us. For the family we're going to have one day.
Please trust in me. Just support and encourage me. Because when you speak your concerns, somehow, it turns up the volume on my own concerns. And then I can't get it out of my head- the fear, the worry, the noise.
They are all just distractions, you see. Because I know deep down that I will be taken care of. Call if blind faith, if you will. Call it wishful thinking. Call it hope. I know that in the end, whether I see it now or not, things are working just as they should be.
So, please... encourage me. Tell me that you think I'm doing the right thing by finding and pursuing my passion. Give me a pat on the back for following my dreams. I know that there's far too many of you out there who are just sitting on your butts wishing you could do the same. But you're not because your fears are stopping you.
But I refuse to be tied down by that fear anymore. I refuse to be held back.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
One Day Closer
So I've been reading Joel Osteen's Your Best Life Now for my book club. I'm totally diggin' it. Thanks for a good pick Leslie!
Anyhow, today, I woke up totally feeling like I'm one day closer to my teaching job. One day closer to what I really want to do. I am doing what I can on my end, and I know God's helping me on his end. I have always been taken care of. I know that I will continue to be taken care of. I just have to trust in that.
I know at times I falter, and lose faith. I'm only human.
However, I do know that I just have to let things happen on their own.
There's a plan for me.
A spot for me. It will come when it's the right time.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Anyhow, today, I woke up totally feeling like I'm one day closer to my teaching job. One day closer to what I really want to do. I am doing what I can on my end, and I know God's helping me on his end. I have always been taken care of. I know that I will continue to be taken care of. I just have to trust in that.
I know at times I falter, and lose faith. I'm only human.
However, I do know that I just have to let things happen on their own.
There's a plan for me.
A spot for me. It will come when it's the right time.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Monday, June 22, 2009
Your Best Life Now
That's the book for next month's book club. I have started reading it since I finished our other book early.
It's just like any other book about the law of attraction, except this one factors in God and is more Christian based.
I think it's exactly what I need at this time.
I need to definitely enlarge my vision...
I also think the lesson is to learn to let go and let God.
That's the lesson I got from Church yesterday, and so far the lesson I'm getting from the first chapter of this book.
Let Go, Let God.
Def a good lesson for me. Things may not be working out the way I'd like for them to, but I know that there's a reason for it in the grand scheme of things. Whatever is to happen, will be for the good of all.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
It's just like any other book about the law of attraction, except this one factors in God and is more Christian based.
I think it's exactly what I need at this time.
I need to definitely enlarge my vision...
I also think the lesson is to learn to let go and let God.
That's the lesson I got from Church yesterday, and so far the lesson I'm getting from the first chapter of this book.
Let Go, Let God.
Def a good lesson for me. Things may not be working out the way I'd like for them to, but I know that there's a reason for it in the grand scheme of things. Whatever is to happen, will be for the good of all.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Thursday, June 11, 2009
An Update
As of September, if not sooner, I may not have job.
Actually, it's for sure I won't have a job as the fall months roll in.
Wish me luck.
Prayers are definitely much appreciated as well.
Life is GRAND- because new adventures are waiting for me!
Super Panda
Actually, it's for sure I won't have a job as the fall months roll in.
Wish me luck.
Prayers are definitely much appreciated as well.
Life is GRAND- because new adventures are waiting for me!
Super Panda
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
A Renewed Sense of Hope
It is only mid June.
I know I will have a job by September.
Things have to be looking up.
That's just the way things flow- one minute you're down, the next up.
I know I am definitely on my way up.
Also, I am definitely going to start turning my oven on more frequently.
The bakery is now open for business.
I need to start generating whatever income I can, and this is one way for me to do it.
Please put in orders :)
I do need a name for my side biz though.
Ideas are welcome!
Things are beginning to look up.
I know change is scary. I know that there's a lot of unknown to this.
However, I also do know that we'll be taken care of. We always have been blessed.
And we will continue to be. We just need to have faith.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
I know I will have a job by September.
Things have to be looking up.
That's just the way things flow- one minute you're down, the next up.
I know I am definitely on my way up.
Also, I am definitely going to start turning my oven on more frequently.
The bakery is now open for business.
I need to start generating whatever income I can, and this is one way for me to do it.
Please put in orders :)
I do need a name for my side biz though.
Ideas are welcome!
Things are beginning to look up.
I know change is scary. I know that there's a lot of unknown to this.
However, I also do know that we'll be taken care of. We always have been blessed.
And we will continue to be. We just need to have faith.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Insert Clever Title Here
I believe that my boss is already in talks with someone to take over my spot.
The problem with that is that I have nowhere to go. At least for now.
I need a break. Pretty badly.
I'm doing what I can on my end- sending out resumes, interviewing, thinking positively, praying endlessly, etc.
So for now, I'm looking at things to do part time that will help me earn extra income should a low paying teaching job come in.
I am also now trying to start my own event planning business on the side.
Nothing big, just for people who are looking to have a party, but don't have the time to plan it.
Something needs to happen. Some sort of saving grace for me.
Life is GRAND (even though you're unstable sometimes).
Super Panda
The problem with that is that I have nowhere to go. At least for now.
I need a break. Pretty badly.
I'm doing what I can on my end- sending out resumes, interviewing, thinking positively, praying endlessly, etc.
So for now, I'm looking at things to do part time that will help me earn extra income should a low paying teaching job come in.
I am also now trying to start my own event planning business on the side.
Nothing big, just for people who are looking to have a party, but don't have the time to plan it.
Something needs to happen. Some sort of saving grace for me.
Life is GRAND (even though you're unstable sometimes).
Super Panda
Monday, June 8, 2009
FOCUSING ON THE POSITIVE
Last week found me incredibly down.
Waaaay
d
o
w
n
I think I was at my lowest point (but the funny thing is, everytime I think this, something else happens that makes me think otherwise). I didn't even know how I was going to pull myself out of the depression, worry and anxiety that surrounded me.
Thank goodness for great girlfriends, and a wonderful husband. Because I really believe they're the ones that got me through it.
The teacher, and fro girl helped me out. And Mastermind did too.
After our meeting yesterday, I've decided to just focus all my energy on attracting the positive. Come what may!
I know that since I saw the payscale that the principal showed me, I've been anxious and nervous as to how we'll make it financially. While that's still a concern, it's not the be all, end all. There are other things that I need to think about.
So, in some ways, I've come to a resolution...
If I have to stay where I'm at for one more year (for us to be able to smoothly transition), then so be it. I can start looking for teaching jobs earlier next school year, and I'd be in a better position because I would have been in school already. If I find a teaching job for the Fall 2009 school year that will offer me more financially than what the previous interview did, then great!
Bottom line is that I just have to be open to all possibilities.
Things will work for the best- the way they should.
And I just have to TRUST in that.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Waaaay
d
o
w
n
I think I was at my lowest point (but the funny thing is, everytime I think this, something else happens that makes me think otherwise). I didn't even know how I was going to pull myself out of the depression, worry and anxiety that surrounded me.
Thank goodness for great girlfriends, and a wonderful husband. Because I really believe they're the ones that got me through it.
The teacher, and fro girl helped me out. And Mastermind did too.
After our meeting yesterday, I've decided to just focus all my energy on attracting the positive. Come what may!
I know that since I saw the payscale that the principal showed me, I've been anxious and nervous as to how we'll make it financially. While that's still a concern, it's not the be all, end all. There are other things that I need to think about.
So, in some ways, I've come to a resolution...
If I have to stay where I'm at for one more year (for us to be able to smoothly transition), then so be it. I can start looking for teaching jobs earlier next school year, and I'd be in a better position because I would have been in school already. If I find a teaching job for the Fall 2009 school year that will offer me more financially than what the previous interview did, then great!
Bottom line is that I just have to be open to all possibilities.
Things will work for the best- the way they should.
And I just have to TRUST in that.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
It's Not You, It's Me...
and really, that's what it comes down to... even though the job hasn't been offered to me.
So the interview...
I think it went well. However, after the job description was fully outlined, I've decided that I don't want the job, should they offer it to me. There is no room for growth. I was told by the principal that usually, people who have been teachers are the ones that apply for the director of advancement/ admissions, so in a way, I'd be going backwards. The job description online also said, some nights and weekends- but after talking to them, it seemed mostly nights and weekends, plus a lot of driving to different schools to promote the school. At the end, we were laughing and brainstorming ideas regarding a new school video, what else can be done to promote the school. The Vice Principal even walked me to the front door!
As great as that sounds, I'm really interested in a teaching position. Now I just need someone to give me that chance.
I'm grateful for the interview.
Glad I got a chance to get a feel for it and see what it's like.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
So the interview...
I think it went well. However, after the job description was fully outlined, I've decided that I don't want the job, should they offer it to me. There is no room for growth. I was told by the principal that usually, people who have been teachers are the ones that apply for the director of advancement/ admissions, so in a way, I'd be going backwards. The job description online also said, some nights and weekends- but after talking to them, it seemed mostly nights and weekends, plus a lot of driving to different schools to promote the school. At the end, we were laughing and brainstorming ideas regarding a new school video, what else can be done to promote the school. The Vice Principal even walked me to the front door!
As great as that sounds, I'm really interested in a teaching position. Now I just need someone to give me that chance.
I'm grateful for the interview.
Glad I got a chance to get a feel for it and see what it's like.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Saturday, May 23, 2009
A Full Day
Actually, make that week. A full week.
There's been tons of ups and downs- sometimes, it happens by hour, sometime by days.
However, there does seem to be more ups lately, so for that, I am grateful.
I have an interview this coming week. Please keep me in your prayers.
I am praying, and hoping that this the right job for me, or at least the right school.
I have been preparing myself for this.
I grilled the teacher, and fro girl about what I should say in my interview. They helped tons!!
Oh, and yes, you might have noticed that I've taken to giving people nicknames. These are not meant to offend anyone, but rather to protect their privacy. If it is offensive, please let me know, and I will gladly stop referring to you by that name. However, do know that these are terms of endearment, especially coming from me.
So here's some weekend updates:
Friday:
We got out of work early, so I decided to trek over to CSUN to get a copy of my transcripts for my portfolio that I am putting together for my interview. An hour after getting out of work, I was finally on my way home. At least until I decided to head over to Target for some organizational items. I wanted a few things that would hold paperwork for the beginning of the school year, and wanted a few things to go along with my new Teacher Planner. Yes, I know it all seems premature, however, there is a method to my madness. I am acting AS IF! I am OWNING IT!
Saturday:
The Brit and I were supposed to go to a Zumba class at a dance studio near us, but it was closed for the long weekend. So instead, we headed over to Pierce college. We went on a hike. Then we headed home to get ready for the Cajun Festival. Tons of fun. I am however, slightly burnt- not so fun. We ate our fill of Cajun food, and I even lucked out and got some sugar free, gluten free macaroons to go with my tea. Yum! Then the hubby and I headed over to see my family. I spent some time with them while the hubby visited some old friends at Bear Divide. It was a fun, relaxing evening.
And the best part of it all is that the weekend is not even over yet!
Oh yes, my mom told me that she is inviting my MIL and FIL to her 75th birthday, which is on June 13. Ok, that's fine, as long as you all visualize with me-
THAT I WILL HAVE A JOB OFFER ON OR BEFORE JUNE 15th. There's power in numbers, so please keep me in mind.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
There's been tons of ups and downs- sometimes, it happens by hour, sometime by days.
However, there does seem to be more ups lately, so for that, I am grateful.
I have an interview this coming week. Please keep me in your prayers.
I am praying, and hoping that this the right job for me, or at least the right school.
I have been preparing myself for this.
I grilled the teacher, and fro girl about what I should say in my interview. They helped tons!!
Oh, and yes, you might have noticed that I've taken to giving people nicknames. These are not meant to offend anyone, but rather to protect their privacy. If it is offensive, please let me know, and I will gladly stop referring to you by that name. However, do know that these are terms of endearment, especially coming from me.
So here's some weekend updates:
Friday:
We got out of work early, so I decided to trek over to CSUN to get a copy of my transcripts for my portfolio that I am putting together for my interview. An hour after getting out of work, I was finally on my way home. At least until I decided to head over to Target for some organizational items. I wanted a few things that would hold paperwork for the beginning of the school year, and wanted a few things to go along with my new Teacher Planner. Yes, I know it all seems premature, however, there is a method to my madness. I am acting AS IF! I am OWNING IT!
Saturday:
The Brit and I were supposed to go to a Zumba class at a dance studio near us, but it was closed for the long weekend. So instead, we headed over to Pierce college. We went on a hike. Then we headed home to get ready for the Cajun Festival. Tons of fun. I am however, slightly burnt- not so fun. We ate our fill of Cajun food, and I even lucked out and got some sugar free, gluten free macaroons to go with my tea. Yum! Then the hubby and I headed over to see my family. I spent some time with them while the hubby visited some old friends at Bear Divide. It was a fun, relaxing evening.
And the best part of it all is that the weekend is not even over yet!
Oh yes, my mom told me that she is inviting my MIL and FIL to her 75th birthday, which is on June 13. Ok, that's fine, as long as you all visualize with me-
THAT I WILL HAVE A JOB OFFER ON OR BEFORE JUNE 15th. There's power in numbers, so please keep me in mind.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Thursday, May 21, 2009
My DUH! Moment
So yesterday morning, while walking with the Brit and Baby C, she mentioned that perhaps my MIL (that means Monster In Law, for those who aren't in the know), probably thinks that I'm looking to steal some of her clients. The Brit goes on to say that she probably knows you're looking for another job, and might take some talents with you.
And the light came on.
That yes, perhaps she is thinking that I'm looking for another job in this crazy business we're in. BUT, she is OH SO WRONG! Because I'm looking for another job in a completely different field.
And so I told the hubby this last night, and he said "DUH!"
And he proceeded to tell me that he thought the exact same thing.
Clearly, I've been to wrapped up in my own thoughts that I never even considered what she could be thinking. Frankly, I just didn't care.
Imagine her surprise when I tell her I'm leaving. Leaving to teach.
YAY ME :)
TEAM SUPER PANDA ALL THE WAY!
HA!
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
And the light came on.
That yes, perhaps she is thinking that I'm looking for another job in this crazy business we're in. BUT, she is OH SO WRONG! Because I'm looking for another job in a completely different field.
And so I told the hubby this last night, and he said "DUH!"
And he proceeded to tell me that he thought the exact same thing.
Clearly, I've been to wrapped up in my own thoughts that I never even considered what she could be thinking. Frankly, I just didn't care.
Imagine her surprise when I tell her I'm leaving. Leaving to teach.
YAY ME :)
TEAM SUPER PANDA ALL THE WAY!
HA!
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
I'm on to the next phase!!!
Yes!
Yesterday at therapy, I was telling my therapist that I need to move on to the next phase, so that I at least feel like I'm moving on. I've been feeling stuck these past few days.
So last night, after praying and releasing- somehow it clicked, that I need to just release, and so I did. I let go and let God.
Easy to say, but so hard to do. But I told God that I was so exhausted of carrying this burden, because I know that he has it all planned out for me. And as I prayed, I felt my shoulders lighten up a bit.
And God does work in mysterious ways... because today, I received an email for an interview. It's for a Director of Advancement/ Outreach position. I am nervous and excited. But mostly, I am grateful. Grateful that there is movement. Grateful that the universe is meeting me halfway.
And to add to my already wonderful day, I received the sign that I have been asking for. Everytime I want to be reassured of something, I ask the angels for a sign. This time around, I asked for a red dragonfly (something I've only seen twice, and saw last year, a few months after my dad passed). I asked that I see a hovering red dragonfly, because surely I wouldn't miss this sign. If one showed before the 3oth of May, then it would mean that everything would be well- I'd have a new job this coming school year, and that I would be out of here by August/ September.
So today, during my lunch, while I was talking to one of my sister's in my backyard, a red dragonfly caught my eye in my neighbor's yard. I couldn't believe it!
Then it proceeded to do a dance in my yard, where it lingered for a while.
So today, has been an incredibly blessed day.
Thank you God! Thank you angels! I know I am being directed and guided into what is right for me- for the good of all.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Yesterday at therapy, I was telling my therapist that I need to move on to the next phase, so that I at least feel like I'm moving on. I've been feeling stuck these past few days.
So last night, after praying and releasing- somehow it clicked, that I need to just release, and so I did. I let go and let God.
Easy to say, but so hard to do. But I told God that I was so exhausted of carrying this burden, because I know that he has it all planned out for me. And as I prayed, I felt my shoulders lighten up a bit.
And God does work in mysterious ways... because today, I received an email for an interview. It's for a Director of Advancement/ Outreach position. I am nervous and excited. But mostly, I am grateful. Grateful that there is movement. Grateful that the universe is meeting me halfway.
And to add to my already wonderful day, I received the sign that I have been asking for. Everytime I want to be reassured of something, I ask the angels for a sign. This time around, I asked for a red dragonfly (something I've only seen twice, and saw last year, a few months after my dad passed). I asked that I see a hovering red dragonfly, because surely I wouldn't miss this sign. If one showed before the 3oth of May, then it would mean that everything would be well- I'd have a new job this coming school year, and that I would be out of here by August/ September.
So today, during my lunch, while I was talking to one of my sister's in my backyard, a red dragonfly caught my eye in my neighbor's yard. I couldn't believe it!
Then it proceeded to do a dance in my yard, where it lingered for a while.
So today, has been an incredibly blessed day.
Thank you God! Thank you angels! I know I am being directed and guided into what is right for me- for the good of all.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Monday, May 18, 2009
All Signs Point to YES!
Ok, I know there are a few of you who might be skeptics, or might just plain call BS on what's about to be written... but please, don't say I didn't warn you.
This is also based on my belief system, and this is my blog, so quite frankly, my dears, I just don't give a damn :)
I spoke to Rex yesterday. Rex is my astrologer. This man has said so many things that have taken place in my life. I see him about once a year.
Yesterday, we had our first phone conversation because I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing in terms of looking for a new job.
And yes, I am.
He said that I need to go before it affects my health any more.
That my time here is up. That I am unhappy. Things that I never told him.
He mentioned that there is a mother figure (whether my MIL or my own) that is causing problems for me. HA! Little does he know.
Anyhow, according to Rex, I will be an inspired teacher.
I will have a teaching job this coming school year.
He said that the way I dress for work will definitely change. That I will be dressing formally.
HA! Especially cause I wear work out clothes now. Yes, work out clothes.
I work out during lunch, before work, after work.
Crazy, I know.
So, this is my new life. Welcome to the chaos of job hunting, more specifically career transitioning. I am excited for all the possibilities that lay ahead.
Keep me in your prayers!!
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
This is also based on my belief system, and this is my blog, so quite frankly, my dears, I just don't give a damn :)
I spoke to Rex yesterday. Rex is my astrologer. This man has said so many things that have taken place in my life. I see him about once a year.
Yesterday, we had our first phone conversation because I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing in terms of looking for a new job.
And yes, I am.
He said that I need to go before it affects my health any more.
That my time here is up. That I am unhappy. Things that I never told him.
He mentioned that there is a mother figure (whether my MIL or my own) that is causing problems for me. HA! Little does he know.
Anyhow, according to Rex, I will be an inspired teacher.
I will have a teaching job this coming school year.
He said that the way I dress for work will definitely change. That I will be dressing formally.
HA! Especially cause I wear work out clothes now. Yes, work out clothes.
I work out during lunch, before work, after work.
Crazy, I know.
So, this is my new life. Welcome to the chaos of job hunting, more specifically career transitioning. I am excited for all the possibilities that lay ahead.
Keep me in your prayers!!
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Trust Your Journey
That is something I am currently having some problems with.
As much as I don't give into doubting myself much, I cannot help but indulge it from time to time. After all, whatever you resist, persists, and I for one, certainly do not want this feeling lingering around.
I have yet to hear from any of the schools I have applied to. I did get a response from the Vice Principal at St. Monica's high school saying she'll forward my resume to the right people. That's a start. However, my first choice (St. Genevieve High) or second choice (Guardian Angel) still have yet to respond.
Soon, I tell myself. Soon. They will be calling me to set up an interview. I guess the reason I wanted it to happen sooner than the fates will allow is that for the whole month of May, my boss is out of the office, making it easier for me to go to interviews, because quite frankly, I've never been a good liar. And that's what I would have to do if I have an interview when she's back.
Anyhow, since I'm not above begging, please, I am asking for you, my dear readers, to pray for me. Pray that I have a job soon. A job that I enjoy, in an environment where I will thrive. As a reminder, please remember that me being unhappy DOES NOT equal me being ungrateful. They are entirely 2 different things. I am extremely grateful for all that I have been blessed with, even this experience. However, I am not happy at my place of business.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
As much as I don't give into doubting myself much, I cannot help but indulge it from time to time. After all, whatever you resist, persists, and I for one, certainly do not want this feeling lingering around.
I have yet to hear from any of the schools I have applied to. I did get a response from the Vice Principal at St. Monica's high school saying she'll forward my resume to the right people. That's a start. However, my first choice (St. Genevieve High) or second choice (Guardian Angel) still have yet to respond.
Soon, I tell myself. Soon. They will be calling me to set up an interview. I guess the reason I wanted it to happen sooner than the fates will allow is that for the whole month of May, my boss is out of the office, making it easier for me to go to interviews, because quite frankly, I've never been a good liar. And that's what I would have to do if I have an interview when she's back.
Anyhow, since I'm not above begging, please, I am asking for you, my dear readers, to pray for me. Pray that I have a job soon. A job that I enjoy, in an environment where I will thrive. As a reminder, please remember that me being unhappy DOES NOT equal me being ungrateful. They are entirely 2 different things. I am extremely grateful for all that I have been blessed with, even this experience. However, I am not happy at my place of business.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
