Surprise, Surprise

An update!

It's birthday week this week, and like every year, I feel some sort of grief around this time. Grief because in so many ways, I am mourning. Mourning the loss of another year. Mourning my dad. This marks my second birthday without my dad. It doesn't get any easier.

I am both ready to shed the old and welcome the new, as well as a little apprehensive about the future. This past year has brought about so many changes- a change in careers, lifestyle, but most importantly, it brought about the freedom to live my own life- to make the choices that are right for me and the hubby. Yes, there are times when I miss the relationship I had with my MIL. The moments when we could be carefree and just talk. However, I know that whenever I gave her an inch, she always wanted to take more. This is definitely a learning process for me- especially because now, I know that I am a bit more guarded with myself around her. Far too many hurtful things were said- and I know time will heal all of it.

So this year, I am looking forward to getting to know myself better. Finding out the choices that work for me, without the too watchful eye of my MIL. She was always very guarded with me, often times not letting me figure things out on my own, and letting me feel like I needed to always comply with her demands. I know a huge part of it was my doing, considering I never set boundaries with her, because after all, my paycheck came from her. But now I say, so long! I am a free woman.
I am ready to face all that is to come this coming year. In so many ways, I feel like it's a rebirth. A little scary, but definitely a nice change.

I also want to start this week by saying THANK YOu.

-To my family who has always been there for me, I love and appreciate you all. Each one of you has made such a big difference in my life. I know there are times when we get on each other's nerves, but there is not a day that goes by where I am not grateful for your presence in my life. My sisters are like built in best friends, and I never felt the need to reach outside of my inner family circle to have company. I am so grateful that I have you all.

-To my girlfriends, I am definitely grateful for all that you do for me. For listening, for keeping me company, for everything. I know we may not see each other a lot, but do know that I'm always here for each and everyone of you. My life is a lot more colorful, and blessed because you are all in it.

and lastly,

-To my hubby. You are my best friend, the love of my life, and my rock. I am who I am because of your love and support. I love you very much. Thank you for being the man that you are.

Please know that without all of you, my life would not be as full as it is. You all bless and color my days. Thank you.

Life is GRAND!
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A Full Day

Actually, make that week. A full week.

There's been tons of ups and downs- sometimes, it happens by hour, sometime by days.
However, there does seem to be more ups lately, so for that, I am grateful.

I have an interview this coming week. Please keep me in your prayers.
I am praying, and hoping that this the right job for me, or at least the right school.
I have been preparing myself for this.
I grilled the teacher, and fro girl about what I should say in my interview. They helped tons!!

Oh, and yes, you might have noticed that I've taken to giving people nicknames. These are not meant to offend anyone, but rather to protect their privacy. If it is offensive, please let me know, and I will gladly stop referring to you by that name. However, do know that these are terms of endearment, especially coming from me.

So here's some weekend updates:

Friday:
We got out of work early, so I decided to trek over to CSUN to get a copy of my transcripts for my portfolio that I am putting together for my interview. An hour after getting out of work, I was finally on my way home. At least until I decided to head over to Target for some organizational items. I wanted a few things that would hold paperwork for the beginning of the school year, and wanted a few things to go along with my new Teacher Planner. Yes, I know it all seems premature, however, there is a method to my madness. I am acting AS IF! I am OWNING IT!

Saturday:
The Brit and I were supposed to go to a Zumba class at a dance studio near us, but it was closed for the long weekend. So instead, we headed over to Pierce college. We went on a hike. Then we headed home to get ready for the Cajun Festival. Tons of fun. I am however, slightly burnt- not so fun. We ate our fill of Cajun food, and I even lucked out and got some sugar free, gluten free macaroons to go with my tea. Yum! Then the hubby and I headed over to see my family. I spent some time with them while the hubby visited some old friends at Bear Divide. It was a fun, relaxing evening.

And the best part of it all is that the weekend is not even over yet!

Oh yes, my mom told me that she is inviting my MIL and FIL to her 75th birthday, which is on June 13. Ok, that's fine, as long as you all visualize with me-
THAT I WILL HAVE A JOB OFFER ON OR BEFORE JUNE 15th. There's power in numbers, so please keep me in mind.

Life is GRAND!
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The days of the week

Everyday...

I do just a little bit, in the hopes that the Universe will meet me half way.
Ok, that's a lie.
It's become my second job to look for a teaching job. But really in the hopes that the Universe will provide.
I would LOVE a teaching job at a private school that will allow me to teach with just my Bachelor's while I work on my credentials.

Everyday...
I struggle- with the emotions, the doubts, the sadness that lingers from last week's events.
Again, words have been said. And they have left ginormous scars.

Everyday...
I panic. Just a little bit. Ok, a little bit more than a little bit.
I need a teaching job for the coming school year.
That means by August or September, preferrably sooner because I can't be in the land of the unknown and uncertainty for that much longer. I really just don't belong here. Plus, I really can't see myself doing what I'm doing now for another year.
However, I am learning- to trust. That all will work out well.
And I know they will. God loves me that much.

Everyday...
I ask for prayers to help keep me going through this difficult time.
Prayers that I find a new job. Prayers that things get easier someday soon.
Prayers that it will all come out roses in the end.

Everyday...
I am grateful. I am grateful that I have a loving husband who is encouraging me in this new direction, because not only does it affect my life, but his as well.
I am grateful that I have a loving family who supports me in the decisions that I have had to make in just a short amount of time. Grateful that my mom calls me everyday to see how I'm doing because she knows I'm struggling. Mother's Instinct, I'm guessing. I am grateful that I have such wonderful friends who are my biggest cheerleaders. I am grateful for everyone that has been my saving grace and who continue to be. I love you all, and your words and actions mean so much. Thank you.

And lastly, I'm sorry.
I know I've been a downer lately. I've been the kind of person who really hasn't been that much fun to be around. All I've done is talk about my misery, my fears, my concerns. For all of that, I apologize.
I promise it won't always be like this. I promise that deep down, the cheerful me that you're all used to is there. I promise- because I have to believe in that too.

Things will get better in time. So, hang in there with me.

Life is GRAND!
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