I should find out whether the job is really mine or not.
I got an email from the principal saying that she'll be going over my paperwork with the pastor and that she'd let me know by Tuesday.
Oh Tuesday, you seem so far away.
I also have an interview tomorrow. For a substitute teaching position.
And I got a call today for a tutoring position. Nice way to make extra bucks on the side.
Love it.
It seems that things could possibly be falling into place.
I know things will happen as God intends.
I have certainly learned a lot about myself throughout this whole process.
I cannot wait until I leave everything behind, and start anew.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Showing posts with label prayers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label prayers. Show all posts
Monday, August 10, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Dear God, Give Me A Sign
Please.
I need to know that the job that was partially offered to me is still there waiting for me.
And if it isn't, please let me know that something else is on the horizon.
xoxox,
Super Panda
I need to know that the job that was partially offered to me is still there waiting for me.
And if it isn't, please let me know that something else is on the horizon.
xoxox,
Super Panda
Friday, July 17, 2009
Caught Unaware
For the second time in about a week or so, I was overwhelmingly caught by the feelings of loss and sadness.
Out of nowhere, my grief takes over me, and I have no choice but to cry, and have my heart ache over the loss of my dad.
There are no words that can explain just how much my heart aches when this happens, or just how much I want to crumble down and have all life stop because it's so hard for me to go on for that brief period of time.
Last week, as I was doing some sit ups, free bird started playing on my ipod. For some reason, that song reminds me of my dad. Perhaps it was because I knew he couldn't be tied down to us. He was too ingrained into his world, and having things done his way. He was such a free bird. And I knew he couldn't stay. I saw him, just so we can have closure. And that was how our relationship was meant to work. If he was still alive, I'm sure that we still wouldn't be on good terms. I know that him passing resolved a lot of things, and for that I'm forever grateful. Oh how I just wish I had more time with him!
"If I leave here tomorrow, will you still remember me?
For I must be traveling on now,
Cause there's so many places I've got to see
If I stay here with you girl,
Things just couldn't be the same
Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you cannot change."
(Free Bird- Lynr Skynyrd)
And tonight, while coloring some buttercream, The Cure's "Lovesong" started playing on my itunes... and I just lost it.
"Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again.
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again.
However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you."
(Lovesong- The Cure)
I know he'll always love me, no matter how far away. Then that song was followed by John Legend's "I Love, You Love" and that made me cry harder.
"Hush my baby don't you cry.
I'll dry your eyes
Fulfill your hearts desires
Let's go and try again
Careful this time
Broken promises lingering are mine...
But my arms can hold you
My kiss console you
I'll come and love you tonight.
I love, I love, I love
Love hurts sometimes
But this feels right...
Aren't you tired of going along
This lonely road
It takes its toll on you
Give me your emotions
Your heart's devotion
Give anything you like
And I'll give understanding
Life's so demanding
I've all you need to get by."
(I Love, You Love- John Legend)
Dad, wherever you are, I love you and I miss you. There's not a day that goes by that I don't feel empty or missing something. I wish we had more time. I wish you were still here. What I would give to have that happen. But I know it's not possible, and we've got a few years before we see each other again. I know that in the meantime, you are with me every step of the way. I know you love me, and are watching out for me, doing the best you can for me, and mom and my sisters, your grandkids, and everyone else. I love you dad. I wish those were words I said to you sooner. I know you know that. I know you know that I miss you terribly. RIP.
Life is GRAND- even though your heart aches from time to time.
Super Panda
Out of nowhere, my grief takes over me, and I have no choice but to cry, and have my heart ache over the loss of my dad.
There are no words that can explain just how much my heart aches when this happens, or just how much I want to crumble down and have all life stop because it's so hard for me to go on for that brief period of time.
Last week, as I was doing some sit ups, free bird started playing on my ipod. For some reason, that song reminds me of my dad. Perhaps it was because I knew he couldn't be tied down to us. He was too ingrained into his world, and having things done his way. He was such a free bird. And I knew he couldn't stay. I saw him, just so we can have closure. And that was how our relationship was meant to work. If he was still alive, I'm sure that we still wouldn't be on good terms. I know that him passing resolved a lot of things, and for that I'm forever grateful. Oh how I just wish I had more time with him!
"If I leave here tomorrow, will you still remember me?
For I must be traveling on now,
Cause there's so many places I've got to see
If I stay here with you girl,
Things just couldn't be the same
Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you cannot change."
(Free Bird- Lynr Skynyrd)
And tonight, while coloring some buttercream, The Cure's "Lovesong" started playing on my itunes... and I just lost it.
"Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again.
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again.
However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you."
(Lovesong- The Cure)
I know he'll always love me, no matter how far away. Then that song was followed by John Legend's "I Love, You Love" and that made me cry harder.
"Hush my baby don't you cry.
I'll dry your eyes
Fulfill your hearts desires
Let's go and try again
Careful this time
Broken promises lingering are mine...
But my arms can hold you
My kiss console you
I'll come and love you tonight.
I love, I love, I love
Love hurts sometimes
But this feels right...
Aren't you tired of going along
This lonely road
It takes its toll on you
Give me your emotions
Your heart's devotion
Give anything you like
And I'll give understanding
Life's so demanding
I've all you need to get by."
(I Love, You Love- John Legend)
Dad, wherever you are, I love you and I miss you. There's not a day that goes by that I don't feel empty or missing something. I wish we had more time. I wish you were still here. What I would give to have that happen. But I know it's not possible, and we've got a few years before we see each other again. I know that in the meantime, you are with me every step of the way. I know you love me, and are watching out for me, doing the best you can for me, and mom and my sisters, your grandkids, and everyone else. I love you dad. I wish those were words I said to you sooner. I know you know that. I know you know that I miss you terribly. RIP.
Life is GRAND- even though your heart aches from time to time.
Super Panda
Friday, July 10, 2009
Cry Baby
Yep, that's me lately.
Last night after dinner, while trying to lesson plan, I found myself bawling on the couch. I was sobbing about leaving the people at my current job- how hard I've worked for them, and that now, with someone else doing my work, it's no longer in my control. I will no longer have the same interaction I have with them on a daily basis. I'm worried that all the hard work that I've done will be for naught- all the relationships I've formed with vendors, etc.
Then I cried about this new phase I'm going to- how I have no experience as a teacher, and it will definitely be challenging for me. I think it's because I really just want to be a good teacher- someone the kids love and someone who can relay information clearly. I want to make a difference.
This whole transition phase- it's definitely getting the best of me.
However, I know that I am moving forward, in the direction of what God has intended for me. It's just a little hard sometimes.
Today, after a hard run, grief took over. As Freebird by Lynrd Skynrd was playing, I wept about my dad. With all that has been going on, it's been a nice distraction from the pain that still somewhat takes over me when I think about my dad no longer being around. Yes we had a pained relationship. But nonetheless, he was my dad, and I remember him being my hero as a little girl. I know that up until he passed, he was my champion. And I'm sure wherever he is, he's still pushing and prodding me along. I just sometimes wish it were easier. But alas, such is life.
I know I'm being guided. I know that I just need to trust in the process, and in God's grace. Things are moving along just as they should. I know that I'm just sad over the end of one thing, and the absolute uncertainty of what I'm about to venture into. I know that I should have faith in all of it.
And really, thank goodness for my wonderful husband. Without him, I wouldn't be as strong and resolved as I am now. He's going into this new phase with me, and I so appreciate his support. He hugs me when I'm sad, and dries away my tears. Thank you.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Last night after dinner, while trying to lesson plan, I found myself bawling on the couch. I was sobbing about leaving the people at my current job- how hard I've worked for them, and that now, with someone else doing my work, it's no longer in my control. I will no longer have the same interaction I have with them on a daily basis. I'm worried that all the hard work that I've done will be for naught- all the relationships I've formed with vendors, etc.
Then I cried about this new phase I'm going to- how I have no experience as a teacher, and it will definitely be challenging for me. I think it's because I really just want to be a good teacher- someone the kids love and someone who can relay information clearly. I want to make a difference.
This whole transition phase- it's definitely getting the best of me.
However, I know that I am moving forward, in the direction of what God has intended for me. It's just a little hard sometimes.
Today, after a hard run, grief took over. As Freebird by Lynrd Skynrd was playing, I wept about my dad. With all that has been going on, it's been a nice distraction from the pain that still somewhat takes over me when I think about my dad no longer being around. Yes we had a pained relationship. But nonetheless, he was my dad, and I remember him being my hero as a little girl. I know that up until he passed, he was my champion. And I'm sure wherever he is, he's still pushing and prodding me along. I just sometimes wish it were easier. But alas, such is life.
I know I'm being guided. I know that I just need to trust in the process, and in God's grace. Things are moving along just as they should. I know that I'm just sad over the end of one thing, and the absolute uncertainty of what I'm about to venture into. I know that I should have faith in all of it.
And really, thank goodness for my wonderful husband. Without him, I wouldn't be as strong and resolved as I am now. He's going into this new phase with me, and I so appreciate his support. He hugs me when I'm sad, and dries away my tears. Thank you.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
So the Naysayers
keep on saying...
*that they are worried for me.
*that they are nervous for me.
I know. These things I feel for myself too.
However, I do know that I will no longer sit around waiting for things to change on their own. The right job won't come along while I sit on my butt.
I've spent countless days doing just that.
Sitting, hoping, praying that a headhunter will notice my talents and offer me something more.
I know that I am meant for something more than what I'm currently doing.
I believe in that. I believe in me.
Again, I know that sometimes I falter. Sometimes I weaken in my beliefs.
However, in the grand scheme of things, I know that I'm not meant to sit behind this desk for all my life.
So, please. I know you're just concerned. I know that you're maybe, just looking out for me. But do know that I don't do anything without thinking it through first. The hubby and I have thought long and hard about this. In the end, we know this is the right decision for us. For the family we're going to have one day.
Please trust in me. Just support and encourage me. Because when you speak your concerns, somehow, it turns up the volume on my own concerns. And then I can't get it out of my head- the fear, the worry, the noise.
They are all just distractions, you see. Because I know deep down that I will be taken care of. Call if blind faith, if you will. Call it wishful thinking. Call it hope. I know that in the end, whether I see it now or not, things are working just as they should be.
So, please... encourage me. Tell me that you think I'm doing the right thing by finding and pursuing my passion. Give me a pat on the back for following my dreams. I know that there's far too many of you out there who are just sitting on your butts wishing you could do the same. But you're not because your fears are stopping you.
But I refuse to be tied down by that fear anymore. I refuse to be held back.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
*that they are worried for me.
*that they are nervous for me.
I know. These things I feel for myself too.
However, I do know that I will no longer sit around waiting for things to change on their own. The right job won't come along while I sit on my butt.
I've spent countless days doing just that.
Sitting, hoping, praying that a headhunter will notice my talents and offer me something more.
I know that I am meant for something more than what I'm currently doing.
I believe in that. I believe in me.
Again, I know that sometimes I falter. Sometimes I weaken in my beliefs.
However, in the grand scheme of things, I know that I'm not meant to sit behind this desk for all my life.
So, please. I know you're just concerned. I know that you're maybe, just looking out for me. But do know that I don't do anything without thinking it through first. The hubby and I have thought long and hard about this. In the end, we know this is the right decision for us. For the family we're going to have one day.
Please trust in me. Just support and encourage me. Because when you speak your concerns, somehow, it turns up the volume on my own concerns. And then I can't get it out of my head- the fear, the worry, the noise.
They are all just distractions, you see. Because I know deep down that I will be taken care of. Call if blind faith, if you will. Call it wishful thinking. Call it hope. I know that in the end, whether I see it now or not, things are working just as they should be.
So, please... encourage me. Tell me that you think I'm doing the right thing by finding and pursuing my passion. Give me a pat on the back for following my dreams. I know that there's far too many of you out there who are just sitting on your butts wishing you could do the same. But you're not because your fears are stopping you.
But I refuse to be tied down by that fear anymore. I refuse to be held back.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Monday, June 22, 2009
Your Best Life Now
That's the book for next month's book club. I have started reading it since I finished our other book early.
It's just like any other book about the law of attraction, except this one factors in God and is more Christian based.
I think it's exactly what I need at this time.
I need to definitely enlarge my vision...
I also think the lesson is to learn to let go and let God.
That's the lesson I got from Church yesterday, and so far the lesson I'm getting from the first chapter of this book.
Let Go, Let God.
Def a good lesson for me. Things may not be working out the way I'd like for them to, but I know that there's a reason for it in the grand scheme of things. Whatever is to happen, will be for the good of all.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
It's just like any other book about the law of attraction, except this one factors in God and is more Christian based.
I think it's exactly what I need at this time.
I need to definitely enlarge my vision...
I also think the lesson is to learn to let go and let God.
That's the lesson I got from Church yesterday, and so far the lesson I'm getting from the first chapter of this book.
Let Go, Let God.
Def a good lesson for me. Things may not be working out the way I'd like for them to, but I know that there's a reason for it in the grand scheme of things. Whatever is to happen, will be for the good of all.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Brainstorming
Little Lady K is such a smart woman.
She's totally right! I need a blog that features pics of cakes for orders, etc. I will work on making that happen.
I just need a name first.
Again, suggestions, anyone???
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
She's totally right! I need a blog that features pics of cakes for orders, etc. I will work on making that happen.
I just need a name first.
Again, suggestions, anyone???
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
An Update
As of September, if not sooner, I may not have job.
Actually, it's for sure I won't have a job as the fall months roll in.
Wish me luck.
Prayers are definitely much appreciated as well.
Life is GRAND- because new adventures are waiting for me!
Super Panda
Actually, it's for sure I won't have a job as the fall months roll in.
Wish me luck.
Prayers are definitely much appreciated as well.
Life is GRAND- because new adventures are waiting for me!
Super Panda
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Insert Clever Title Here
I believe that my boss is already in talks with someone to take over my spot.
The problem with that is that I have nowhere to go. At least for now.
I need a break. Pretty badly.
I'm doing what I can on my end- sending out resumes, interviewing, thinking positively, praying endlessly, etc.
So for now, I'm looking at things to do part time that will help me earn extra income should a low paying teaching job come in.
I am also now trying to start my own event planning business on the side.
Nothing big, just for people who are looking to have a party, but don't have the time to plan it.
Something needs to happen. Some sort of saving grace for me.
Life is GRAND (even though you're unstable sometimes).
Super Panda
The problem with that is that I have nowhere to go. At least for now.
I need a break. Pretty badly.
I'm doing what I can on my end- sending out resumes, interviewing, thinking positively, praying endlessly, etc.
So for now, I'm looking at things to do part time that will help me earn extra income should a low paying teaching job come in.
I am also now trying to start my own event planning business on the side.
Nothing big, just for people who are looking to have a party, but don't have the time to plan it.
Something needs to happen. Some sort of saving grace for me.
Life is GRAND (even though you're unstable sometimes).
Super Panda
Monday, June 8, 2009
FOCUSING ON THE POSITIVE
Last week found me incredibly down.
Waaaay
d
o
w
n
I think I was at my lowest point (but the funny thing is, everytime I think this, something else happens that makes me think otherwise). I didn't even know how I was going to pull myself out of the depression, worry and anxiety that surrounded me.
Thank goodness for great girlfriends, and a wonderful husband. Because I really believe they're the ones that got me through it.
The teacher, and fro girl helped me out. And Mastermind did too.
After our meeting yesterday, I've decided to just focus all my energy on attracting the positive. Come what may!
I know that since I saw the payscale that the principal showed me, I've been anxious and nervous as to how we'll make it financially. While that's still a concern, it's not the be all, end all. There are other things that I need to think about.
So, in some ways, I've come to a resolution...
If I have to stay where I'm at for one more year (for us to be able to smoothly transition), then so be it. I can start looking for teaching jobs earlier next school year, and I'd be in a better position because I would have been in school already. If I find a teaching job for the Fall 2009 school year that will offer me more financially than what the previous interview did, then great!
Bottom line is that I just have to be open to all possibilities.
Things will work for the best- the way they should.
And I just have to TRUST in that.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Waaaay
d
o
w
n
I think I was at my lowest point (but the funny thing is, everytime I think this, something else happens that makes me think otherwise). I didn't even know how I was going to pull myself out of the depression, worry and anxiety that surrounded me.
Thank goodness for great girlfriends, and a wonderful husband. Because I really believe they're the ones that got me through it.
The teacher, and fro girl helped me out. And Mastermind did too.
After our meeting yesterday, I've decided to just focus all my energy on attracting the positive. Come what may!
I know that since I saw the payscale that the principal showed me, I've been anxious and nervous as to how we'll make it financially. While that's still a concern, it's not the be all, end all. There are other things that I need to think about.
So, in some ways, I've come to a resolution...
If I have to stay where I'm at for one more year (for us to be able to smoothly transition), then so be it. I can start looking for teaching jobs earlier next school year, and I'd be in a better position because I would have been in school already. If I find a teaching job for the Fall 2009 school year that will offer me more financially than what the previous interview did, then great!
Bottom line is that I just have to be open to all possibilities.
Things will work for the best- the way they should.
And I just have to TRUST in that.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Coming Out Fighting
Today, I spoke with a principal at a school I'm highly interested in teaching at. He seemed interested enough in me- the only downside being that I'm not enrolled in a credential program yet. This is not due to a lack of commitment on my part, but mainly because I'm $20 g's short of the amount of $$ I need to go back to school.
Anyhow, this principal was really cool- even giving me ideas about where to go to school, and told me numerous times to give him a call should my situation change.
So after work I came home. Threw myself another pity party and cried, you know, the usual.
But after the tears stopped, I decided to get off the couch, hop in the shower and try to figure out a way around my situation.
And this is when it dawned on me. A light bulb came on inside my head.
Why not try to see if this principal would set an interview up with me, and should he choose to hire me, I can guarantee that I will be enrolled in a credential program before the school year starts.
So, that's it. It's been decided. I will fight for my job. I am going to ask this guy to take a leap of faith with me, and in turn, I will guarantee that I will be enrolled in school before the school year even begins.
Yes, I know this is risky. Stupid even. However, at this point, I have nothing to lose. I don't have that teaching job, or any teaching job for that matter. I do have everything to gain. I am simply selling myself- offering a proposal that would behoove us both. And quite frankly, I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself and selling my short. I am going to lay it all on the line, since he's been openly communicating with me.
I'm going to get me a job.
Please pray for SUCCESS!
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Anyhow, this principal was really cool- even giving me ideas about where to go to school, and told me numerous times to give him a call should my situation change.
So after work I came home. Threw myself another pity party and cried, you know, the usual.
But after the tears stopped, I decided to get off the couch, hop in the shower and try to figure out a way around my situation.
And this is when it dawned on me. A light bulb came on inside my head.
Why not try to see if this principal would set an interview up with me, and should he choose to hire me, I can guarantee that I will be enrolled in a credential program before the school year starts.
So, that's it. It's been decided. I will fight for my job. I am going to ask this guy to take a leap of faith with me, and in turn, I will guarantee that I will be enrolled in school before the school year even begins.
Yes, I know this is risky. Stupid even. However, at this point, I have nothing to lose. I don't have that teaching job, or any teaching job for that matter. I do have everything to gain. I am simply selling myself- offering a proposal that would behoove us both. And quite frankly, I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself and selling my short. I am going to lay it all on the line, since he's been openly communicating with me.
I'm going to get me a job.
Please pray for SUCCESS!
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Saturday, May 23, 2009
A Full Day
Actually, make that week. A full week.
There's been tons of ups and downs- sometimes, it happens by hour, sometime by days.
However, there does seem to be more ups lately, so for that, I am grateful.
I have an interview this coming week. Please keep me in your prayers.
I am praying, and hoping that this the right job for me, or at least the right school.
I have been preparing myself for this.
I grilled the teacher, and fro girl about what I should say in my interview. They helped tons!!
Oh, and yes, you might have noticed that I've taken to giving people nicknames. These are not meant to offend anyone, but rather to protect their privacy. If it is offensive, please let me know, and I will gladly stop referring to you by that name. However, do know that these are terms of endearment, especially coming from me.
So here's some weekend updates:
Friday:
We got out of work early, so I decided to trek over to CSUN to get a copy of my transcripts for my portfolio that I am putting together for my interview. An hour after getting out of work, I was finally on my way home. At least until I decided to head over to Target for some organizational items. I wanted a few things that would hold paperwork for the beginning of the school year, and wanted a few things to go along with my new Teacher Planner. Yes, I know it all seems premature, however, there is a method to my madness. I am acting AS IF! I am OWNING IT!
Saturday:
The Brit and I were supposed to go to a Zumba class at a dance studio near us, but it was closed for the long weekend. So instead, we headed over to Pierce college. We went on a hike. Then we headed home to get ready for the Cajun Festival. Tons of fun. I am however, slightly burnt- not so fun. We ate our fill of Cajun food, and I even lucked out and got some sugar free, gluten free macaroons to go with my tea. Yum! Then the hubby and I headed over to see my family. I spent some time with them while the hubby visited some old friends at Bear Divide. It was a fun, relaxing evening.
And the best part of it all is that the weekend is not even over yet!
Oh yes, my mom told me that she is inviting my MIL and FIL to her 75th birthday, which is on June 13. Ok, that's fine, as long as you all visualize with me-
THAT I WILL HAVE A JOB OFFER ON OR BEFORE JUNE 15th. There's power in numbers, so please keep me in mind.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
There's been tons of ups and downs- sometimes, it happens by hour, sometime by days.
However, there does seem to be more ups lately, so for that, I am grateful.
I have an interview this coming week. Please keep me in your prayers.
I am praying, and hoping that this the right job for me, or at least the right school.
I have been preparing myself for this.
I grilled the teacher, and fro girl about what I should say in my interview. They helped tons!!
Oh, and yes, you might have noticed that I've taken to giving people nicknames. These are not meant to offend anyone, but rather to protect their privacy. If it is offensive, please let me know, and I will gladly stop referring to you by that name. However, do know that these are terms of endearment, especially coming from me.
So here's some weekend updates:
Friday:
We got out of work early, so I decided to trek over to CSUN to get a copy of my transcripts for my portfolio that I am putting together for my interview. An hour after getting out of work, I was finally on my way home. At least until I decided to head over to Target for some organizational items. I wanted a few things that would hold paperwork for the beginning of the school year, and wanted a few things to go along with my new Teacher Planner. Yes, I know it all seems premature, however, there is a method to my madness. I am acting AS IF! I am OWNING IT!
Saturday:
The Brit and I were supposed to go to a Zumba class at a dance studio near us, but it was closed for the long weekend. So instead, we headed over to Pierce college. We went on a hike. Then we headed home to get ready for the Cajun Festival. Tons of fun. I am however, slightly burnt- not so fun. We ate our fill of Cajun food, and I even lucked out and got some sugar free, gluten free macaroons to go with my tea. Yum! Then the hubby and I headed over to see my family. I spent some time with them while the hubby visited some old friends at Bear Divide. It was a fun, relaxing evening.
And the best part of it all is that the weekend is not even over yet!
Oh yes, my mom told me that she is inviting my MIL and FIL to her 75th birthday, which is on June 13. Ok, that's fine, as long as you all visualize with me-
THAT I WILL HAVE A JOB OFFER ON OR BEFORE JUNE 15th. There's power in numbers, so please keep me in mind.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Thursday, May 21, 2009
My DUH! Moment
So yesterday morning, while walking with the Brit and Baby C, she mentioned that perhaps my MIL (that means Monster In Law, for those who aren't in the know), probably thinks that I'm looking to steal some of her clients. The Brit goes on to say that she probably knows you're looking for another job, and might take some talents with you.
And the light came on.
That yes, perhaps she is thinking that I'm looking for another job in this crazy business we're in. BUT, she is OH SO WRONG! Because I'm looking for another job in a completely different field.
And so I told the hubby this last night, and he said "DUH!"
And he proceeded to tell me that he thought the exact same thing.
Clearly, I've been to wrapped up in my own thoughts that I never even considered what she could be thinking. Frankly, I just didn't care.
Imagine her surprise when I tell her I'm leaving. Leaving to teach.
YAY ME :)
TEAM SUPER PANDA ALL THE WAY!
HA!
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
And the light came on.
That yes, perhaps she is thinking that I'm looking for another job in this crazy business we're in. BUT, she is OH SO WRONG! Because I'm looking for another job in a completely different field.
And so I told the hubby this last night, and he said "DUH!"
And he proceeded to tell me that he thought the exact same thing.
Clearly, I've been to wrapped up in my own thoughts that I never even considered what she could be thinking. Frankly, I just didn't care.
Imagine her surprise when I tell her I'm leaving. Leaving to teach.
YAY ME :)
TEAM SUPER PANDA ALL THE WAY!
HA!
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
I'm on to the next phase!!!
Yes!
Yesterday at therapy, I was telling my therapist that I need to move on to the next phase, so that I at least feel like I'm moving on. I've been feeling stuck these past few days.
So last night, after praying and releasing- somehow it clicked, that I need to just release, and so I did. I let go and let God.
Easy to say, but so hard to do. But I told God that I was so exhausted of carrying this burden, because I know that he has it all planned out for me. And as I prayed, I felt my shoulders lighten up a bit.
And God does work in mysterious ways... because today, I received an email for an interview. It's for a Director of Advancement/ Outreach position. I am nervous and excited. But mostly, I am grateful. Grateful that there is movement. Grateful that the universe is meeting me halfway.
And to add to my already wonderful day, I received the sign that I have been asking for. Everytime I want to be reassured of something, I ask the angels for a sign. This time around, I asked for a red dragonfly (something I've only seen twice, and saw last year, a few months after my dad passed). I asked that I see a hovering red dragonfly, because surely I wouldn't miss this sign. If one showed before the 3oth of May, then it would mean that everything would be well- I'd have a new job this coming school year, and that I would be out of here by August/ September.
So today, during my lunch, while I was talking to one of my sister's in my backyard, a red dragonfly caught my eye in my neighbor's yard. I couldn't believe it!
Then it proceeded to do a dance in my yard, where it lingered for a while.
So today, has been an incredibly blessed day.
Thank you God! Thank you angels! I know I am being directed and guided into what is right for me- for the good of all.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Yesterday at therapy, I was telling my therapist that I need to move on to the next phase, so that I at least feel like I'm moving on. I've been feeling stuck these past few days.
So last night, after praying and releasing- somehow it clicked, that I need to just release, and so I did. I let go and let God.
Easy to say, but so hard to do. But I told God that I was so exhausted of carrying this burden, because I know that he has it all planned out for me. And as I prayed, I felt my shoulders lighten up a bit.
And God does work in mysterious ways... because today, I received an email for an interview. It's for a Director of Advancement/ Outreach position. I am nervous and excited. But mostly, I am grateful. Grateful that there is movement. Grateful that the universe is meeting me halfway.
And to add to my already wonderful day, I received the sign that I have been asking for. Everytime I want to be reassured of something, I ask the angels for a sign. This time around, I asked for a red dragonfly (something I've only seen twice, and saw last year, a few months after my dad passed). I asked that I see a hovering red dragonfly, because surely I wouldn't miss this sign. If one showed before the 3oth of May, then it would mean that everything would be well- I'd have a new job this coming school year, and that I would be out of here by August/ September.
So today, during my lunch, while I was talking to one of my sister's in my backyard, a red dragonfly caught my eye in my neighbor's yard. I couldn't believe it!
Then it proceeded to do a dance in my yard, where it lingered for a while.
So today, has been an incredibly blessed day.
Thank you God! Thank you angels! I know I am being directed and guided into what is right for me- for the good of all.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The Pity Party Parade
Came to town early this morning, and it's lingering.
I am an emotional wreck.
I am doing everything I can so as not to start sobbing here in my office.
I. JUST. DON'T. WANT. TO. BE. HERE.
I haven't heard from any schools regarding my resume.
I feel like I'm running out of time. Out of hope.
As the days go by, I feel as if the walls are closing in- but really, it's because my MIL is coming back and that's got me panicking.
I just need someone, anyone, to give me a chance.
I have been begging desperately through prayer for a shot at something.
And PLAN B, isn't really all that appealing. Not that there's a concrete PLAN B.
I feel as if I've hit rock bottom. So much so, that I don't even like my own company.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
I am an emotional wreck.
I am doing everything I can so as not to start sobbing here in my office.
I. JUST. DON'T. WANT. TO. BE. HERE.
I haven't heard from any schools regarding my resume.
I feel like I'm running out of time. Out of hope.
As the days go by, I feel as if the walls are closing in- but really, it's because my MIL is coming back and that's got me panicking.
I just need someone, anyone, to give me a chance.
I have been begging desperately through prayer for a shot at something.
And PLAN B, isn't really all that appealing. Not that there's a concrete PLAN B.
I feel as if I've hit rock bottom. So much so, that I don't even like my own company.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Monday, May 18, 2009
All Signs Point to YES!
Ok, I know there are a few of you who might be skeptics, or might just plain call BS on what's about to be written... but please, don't say I didn't warn you.
This is also based on my belief system, and this is my blog, so quite frankly, my dears, I just don't give a damn :)
I spoke to Rex yesterday. Rex is my astrologer. This man has said so many things that have taken place in my life. I see him about once a year.
Yesterday, we had our first phone conversation because I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing in terms of looking for a new job.
And yes, I am.
He said that I need to go before it affects my health any more.
That my time here is up. That I am unhappy. Things that I never told him.
He mentioned that there is a mother figure (whether my MIL or my own) that is causing problems for me. HA! Little does he know.
Anyhow, according to Rex, I will be an inspired teacher.
I will have a teaching job this coming school year.
He said that the way I dress for work will definitely change. That I will be dressing formally.
HA! Especially cause I wear work out clothes now. Yes, work out clothes.
I work out during lunch, before work, after work.
Crazy, I know.
So, this is my new life. Welcome to the chaos of job hunting, more specifically career transitioning. I am excited for all the possibilities that lay ahead.
Keep me in your prayers!!
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
This is also based on my belief system, and this is my blog, so quite frankly, my dears, I just don't give a damn :)
I spoke to Rex yesterday. Rex is my astrologer. This man has said so many things that have taken place in my life. I see him about once a year.
Yesterday, we had our first phone conversation because I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing in terms of looking for a new job.
And yes, I am.
He said that I need to go before it affects my health any more.
That my time here is up. That I am unhappy. Things that I never told him.
He mentioned that there is a mother figure (whether my MIL or my own) that is causing problems for me. HA! Little does he know.
Anyhow, according to Rex, I will be an inspired teacher.
I will have a teaching job this coming school year.
He said that the way I dress for work will definitely change. That I will be dressing formally.
HA! Especially cause I wear work out clothes now. Yes, work out clothes.
I work out during lunch, before work, after work.
Crazy, I know.
So, this is my new life. Welcome to the chaos of job hunting, more specifically career transitioning. I am excited for all the possibilities that lay ahead.
Keep me in your prayers!!
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Trust Your Journey
That is something I am currently having some problems with.
As much as I don't give into doubting myself much, I cannot help but indulge it from time to time. After all, whatever you resist, persists, and I for one, certainly do not want this feeling lingering around.
I have yet to hear from any of the schools I have applied to. I did get a response from the Vice Principal at St. Monica's high school saying she'll forward my resume to the right people. That's a start. However, my first choice (St. Genevieve High) or second choice (Guardian Angel) still have yet to respond.
Soon, I tell myself. Soon. They will be calling me to set up an interview. I guess the reason I wanted it to happen sooner than the fates will allow is that for the whole month of May, my boss is out of the office, making it easier for me to go to interviews, because quite frankly, I've never been a good liar. And that's what I would have to do if I have an interview when she's back.
Anyhow, since I'm not above begging, please, I am asking for you, my dear readers, to pray for me. Pray that I have a job soon. A job that I enjoy, in an environment where I will thrive. As a reminder, please remember that me being unhappy DOES NOT equal me being ungrateful. They are entirely 2 different things. I am extremely grateful for all that I have been blessed with, even this experience. However, I am not happy at my place of business.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
As much as I don't give into doubting myself much, I cannot help but indulge it from time to time. After all, whatever you resist, persists, and I for one, certainly do not want this feeling lingering around.
I have yet to hear from any of the schools I have applied to. I did get a response from the Vice Principal at St. Monica's high school saying she'll forward my resume to the right people. That's a start. However, my first choice (St. Genevieve High) or second choice (Guardian Angel) still have yet to respond.
Soon, I tell myself. Soon. They will be calling me to set up an interview. I guess the reason I wanted it to happen sooner than the fates will allow is that for the whole month of May, my boss is out of the office, making it easier for me to go to interviews, because quite frankly, I've never been a good liar. And that's what I would have to do if I have an interview when she's back.
Anyhow, since I'm not above begging, please, I am asking for you, my dear readers, to pray for me. Pray that I have a job soon. A job that I enjoy, in an environment where I will thrive. As a reminder, please remember that me being unhappy DOES NOT equal me being ungrateful. They are entirely 2 different things. I am extremely grateful for all that I have been blessed with, even this experience. However, I am not happy at my place of business.
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Sunday, May 10, 2009
One A Day
Ever since I've come to the conclusion that my job no longer satisfies me, and yes, since that one fateful Tuesday, it's become my other job to become employed as a teacher. I have been doing one thing a day (sometimes more) to help further my goal.
Weekends are no exceptions- in fact, I think I get a lot more done on the weekends.
So this past weekend, I...
*bought a few "teaching" clothes. Slacks, button down shirts, modest, yet fashionable tops. I am ready for the coming school year- late Summer, Fall. Bring it on!
I even have an outfit for parent teacher conferences! Of course, I only have the bare minimum so far, but enough to get me through. I do need a winning interview outfit- that I still have yet to figure out, especially because the weather will play a huge part in that.
A side note- these professional, more tailored clothes I bought are a total departure from what I wear daily, considering I usually go to work in gym clothes. Yes, gym clothes. I work out before work, and during my lunch. Then I work out again after work. And should I have a lunch meeting or a dinner, I usually just wear jeans. Casual- very! So I'm excited to be dressing up.
*dug out all my old college essays. I have a huge stack of them.
I have yet to re- read through all of them, but I have them.
*acquired a few books that will refresh my memory, should I happen to get the high English teacher job that I am applying for. That is actually my top choice. I am prepared to tackle novels and poems. A big thank you to my hubby for buying these for me- they were my career switch gift :)
*printed hard copies of my cover letter and resume, put them in an envelope, and got them ready to be mailed out. All 21 of them. Maybe 22.
I will then start my day tomorrow by taking these to the post office, along with a prayer that I will soon be called for an interview.
*received my first letter of recommendation, from my dear friend, M (The Teacher).
I am so grateful for her help. And she really has helped me out through all this.
So, I am definitely well on my way to teaching at a school near you!
But, until then...
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Weekends are no exceptions- in fact, I think I get a lot more done on the weekends.
So this past weekend, I...
*bought a few "teaching" clothes. Slacks, button down shirts, modest, yet fashionable tops. I am ready for the coming school year- late Summer, Fall. Bring it on!
I even have an outfit for parent teacher conferences! Of course, I only have the bare minimum so far, but enough to get me through. I do need a winning interview outfit- that I still have yet to figure out, especially because the weather will play a huge part in that.
A side note- these professional, more tailored clothes I bought are a total departure from what I wear daily, considering I usually go to work in gym clothes. Yes, gym clothes. I work out before work, and during my lunch. Then I work out again after work. And should I have a lunch meeting or a dinner, I usually just wear jeans. Casual- very! So I'm excited to be dressing up.
*dug out all my old college essays. I have a huge stack of them.
I have yet to re- read through all of them, but I have them.
*acquired a few books that will refresh my memory, should I happen to get the high English teacher job that I am applying for. That is actually my top choice. I am prepared to tackle novels and poems. A big thank you to my hubby for buying these for me- they were my career switch gift :)
*printed hard copies of my cover letter and resume, put them in an envelope, and got them ready to be mailed out. All 21 of them. Maybe 22.
I will then start my day tomorrow by taking these to the post office, along with a prayer that I will soon be called for an interview.
*received my first letter of recommendation, from my dear friend, M (The Teacher).
I am so grateful for her help. And she really has helped me out through all this.
So, I am definitely well on my way to teaching at a school near you!
But, until then...
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Thursday, May 7, 2009
I Choose Life
And really, I'm claiming my right to choose.
My right to my own life.
My right to enjoy my personal life.
My right to establish boundaries between my personal and professional life.
My right to be in control of my life.
These are a few things that I've given up while I was pursuing my career now.
And while I'm so grateful for how my life has turned out, how my career has blossomed into what it is now, I'm also ready to for a change.
Ready to claim what is rightfully mine.
And what's listed above are a few of those things.
Please keep on praying that all will work out.
For everything that has been, THANKS!
For everything that will be, YES!
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
My right to my own life.
My right to enjoy my personal life.
My right to establish boundaries between my personal and professional life.
My right to be in control of my life.
These are a few things that I've given up while I was pursuing my career now.
And while I'm so grateful for how my life has turned out, how my career has blossomed into what it is now, I'm also ready to for a change.
Ready to claim what is rightfully mine.
And what's listed above are a few of those things.
Please keep on praying that all will work out.
For everything that has been, THANKS!
For everything that will be, YES!
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Today's Conditions
Cloudy but with a little bit of sunshine.
Yes, I'm happy to report that I'm feeling slightly better.
Not a whole lot, but better at least, which is some sign of improvement.
Yesterday while at therapy, my therapist brought up the fact that it's only been a week since I last saw her. Only a week since my life was turned upside down.
And this was a defining moment for me. See, somehow in my head, it felt like it had been longer than a week. It was great having someone else put things in perspective. It really made me feel like I had accomplished a lot more than I was giving myself credit for- because in a week I have:
*figured out what I DON'T want to do. This was my starting point.
*figured out something else I could do/ want to do.
*weighed out my options- with the hubby.
*spoken with others and continue to verbalize my concerns about the situation. I'm def not hiding any emotions.
*done a few informational/ informal interviews- mainly talking to friends who are teachers.
*researched and spoken with a counselor at the University of Phoenix. 3 hours, and 3 phone calls later, I think I have a much better idea as to what I'm going to do with my life.
*spread the word that I am looking for a teaching job, that I am in need of volunteer hours for my masters/ credentials program (240 hours to be exact and it has to involve kids).
*bought myself a review book for the CBEST.
*have visualized and masterminded a new job, and a future that shines brightly.
*a solid resume, although it needs just a bit of fine tuning.
*gotten to know myself- my strength, courage and determination. I am seeing my determination in action.
*reconciled myself somewhat (I'm still working on this!)with the facts that as a teacher, I will be making a lot less than I'm used to, and would have to depend on my husband a little bit more. That I will be making a lot less than a lot of my friends, because essentially I am starting again at the bottom of the ladder.
I have barely given myself time to mourn. Although I did have a few moments in between doing all this where I really indulged and threw myself a pity party.
Today, though, at this moment, I can honestly say I feel some sort of peace.
Perhaps I'm coming to terms that this is what IS now.
That my life is changing and all I can do is embrace the change, the beautiful chaos.
Because, yes, although this whole thing has shaken my entire being, I am being propelled to something far greater.
Although sometimes, I still wish someone would just come and tell me that all is taken care of, and I no longer have to worry. That it will all get easier soon.
That it will all be okay.
So, tomorrow, I may feel completely different. The fear, loneliness and anxiety might come back. However, for today, for right now, I am simply grateful.
Grateful that I can somewhat see the light at the end of the tunnel.
And really, that makes all the difference :)
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
Yes, I'm happy to report that I'm feeling slightly better.
Not a whole lot, but better at least, which is some sign of improvement.
Yesterday while at therapy, my therapist brought up the fact that it's only been a week since I last saw her. Only a week since my life was turned upside down.
And this was a defining moment for me. See, somehow in my head, it felt like it had been longer than a week. It was great having someone else put things in perspective. It really made me feel like I had accomplished a lot more than I was giving myself credit for- because in a week I have:
*figured out what I DON'T want to do. This was my starting point.
*figured out something else I could do/ want to do.
*weighed out my options- with the hubby.
*spoken with others and continue to verbalize my concerns about the situation. I'm def not hiding any emotions.
*done a few informational/ informal interviews- mainly talking to friends who are teachers.
*researched and spoken with a counselor at the University of Phoenix. 3 hours, and 3 phone calls later, I think I have a much better idea as to what I'm going to do with my life.
*spread the word that I am looking for a teaching job, that I am in need of volunteer hours for my masters/ credentials program (240 hours to be exact and it has to involve kids).
*bought myself a review book for the CBEST.
*have visualized and masterminded a new job, and a future that shines brightly.
*a solid resume, although it needs just a bit of fine tuning.
*gotten to know myself- my strength, courage and determination. I am seeing my determination in action.
*reconciled myself somewhat (I'm still working on this!)with the facts that as a teacher, I will be making a lot less than I'm used to, and would have to depend on my husband a little bit more. That I will be making a lot less than a lot of my friends, because essentially I am starting again at the bottom of the ladder.
I have barely given myself time to mourn. Although I did have a few moments in between doing all this where I really indulged and threw myself a pity party.
Today, though, at this moment, I can honestly say I feel some sort of peace.
Perhaps I'm coming to terms that this is what IS now.
That my life is changing and all I can do is embrace the change, the beautiful chaos.
Because, yes, although this whole thing has shaken my entire being, I am being propelled to something far greater.
Although sometimes, I still wish someone would just come and tell me that all is taken care of, and I no longer have to worry. That it will all get easier soon.
That it will all be okay.
So, tomorrow, I may feel completely different. The fear, loneliness and anxiety might come back. However, for today, for right now, I am simply grateful.
Grateful that I can somewhat see the light at the end of the tunnel.
And really, that makes all the difference :)
Life is GRAND!
Super Panda
