Rolling Along

June's almost over. For some reason, I'm excited about what the new month will possibly bring.

I am expecting a lot of things... cause I know God will provide.

Life is GRAND!
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Thank You

to my therapist, Marjorie.
She has helped me in so many ways.
Today was our last session since my life is going in a new direction and def need to save. Not that therapy was a luxury, ok, it kinda is.

Anyhow, if it hasn't been for her, I don't think I'd know myself as well as I do at this point in my life.

Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for listening, and understanding.
You've given me so much more than you know.
I've valued every minute of our time spent together.

I know that the best is yet to come. I am holding out for it :)

Life is GRAND!
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So the Naysayers

keep on saying...

*that they are worried for me.
*that they are nervous for me.

I know. These things I feel for myself too.
However, I do know that I will no longer sit around waiting for things to change on their own. The right job won't come along while I sit on my butt.
I've spent countless days doing just that.
Sitting, hoping, praying that a headhunter will notice my talents and offer me something more.
I know that I am meant for something more than what I'm currently doing.
I believe in that. I believe in me.
Again, I know that sometimes I falter. Sometimes I weaken in my beliefs.
However, in the grand scheme of things, I know that I'm not meant to sit behind this desk for all my life.

So, please. I know you're just concerned. I know that you're maybe, just looking out for me. But do know that I don't do anything without thinking it through first. The hubby and I have thought long and hard about this. In the end, we know this is the right decision for us. For the family we're going to have one day.
Please trust in me. Just support and encourage me. Because when you speak your concerns, somehow, it turns up the volume on my own concerns. And then I can't get it out of my head- the fear, the worry, the noise.
They are all just distractions, you see. Because I know deep down that I will be taken care of. Call if blind faith, if you will. Call it wishful thinking. Call it hope. I know that in the end, whether I see it now or not, things are working just as they should be.

So, please... encourage me. Tell me that you think I'm doing the right thing by finding and pursuing my passion. Give me a pat on the back for following my dreams. I know that there's far too many of you out there who are just sitting on your butts wishing you could do the same. But you're not because your fears are stopping you.
But I refuse to be tied down by that fear anymore. I refuse to be held back.

Life is GRAND!
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One Day Closer

So I've been reading Joel Osteen's Your Best Life Now for my book club. I'm totally diggin' it. Thanks for a good pick Leslie!

Anyhow, today, I woke up totally feeling like I'm one day closer to my teaching job. One day closer to what I really want to do. I am doing what I can on my end, and I know God's helping me on his end. I have always been taken care of. I know that I will continue to be taken care of. I just have to trust in that.

I know at times I falter, and lose faith. I'm only human.
However, I do know that I just have to let things happen on their own.
There's a plan for me.
A spot for me. It will come when it's the right time.

Life is GRAND!
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More from Drill Tower 40

Just thought I'd post more pictures from the hubby's graduation.






Since the hubby is on probation for a year, chances are I won't be hearing from him at night. This is def a challenge for me, especially since I'm so used to talking to him, even if just to say "good night."
It's okay though because I know he's safe at the station. Last summer, when we would go for days without talking because he wouldn't have cell reception, I would always worry sick because I didn't know his whereabouts. He always felt so much further away from me. However, this time around, I know he's just in Westwood, Station 37.

I am truly proud of my husband. Every time I think about it, tears gather in my eyes. You see, this is a dream that started before we first got married. That was almost 5 years ago. I still remember the rejection letters he received. The heartbreak he felt, and of course, the heartbreak I felt for him. This has been a long journey for us. We both have made numerous sacrifices to get to this point in our lives. This is a journey we embarked on together and I am extremely grateful that this man is my husband.

Life is GRAND!
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Your Best Life Now

That's the book for next month's book club. I have started reading it since I finished our other book early.
It's just like any other book about the law of attraction, except this one factors in God and is more Christian based.
I think it's exactly what I need at this time.
I need to definitely enlarge my vision...

I also think the lesson is to learn to let go and let God.

That's the lesson I got from Church yesterday, and so far the lesson I'm getting from the first chapter of this book.

Let Go, Let God.

Def a good lesson for me. Things may not be working out the way I'd like for them to, but I know that there's a reason for it in the grand scheme of things. Whatever is to happen, will be for the good of all.

Life is GRAND!
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Meet

FF Cope...



Life is GRAND!
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A broken heart

Or more so a broken spirit.
That's what I have.
At this moment, while sitting here in my office, typing this, I am trying to stop myself from breaking down in tears.

I am beginning to feel hopeless about the prospect of finding a teaching job for the Fall 2009 school year. No one's responding to my resume. Or phone calls, or emails.

Plus, the only other school that seemed interested called me today to tell me that the position has been filled. I didn't even get called in for an interview.
There's one school in Simi Valley that still has an 8th grade teaching position open. I am desperately praying they'll call me in for that.

I don't know what to do anymore.

Life is GRAND- I'm sure, just not right now.
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1 Day Away

From the hubby's graduation.

Yay!

Life is GRAND!
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Counting the Days

til I am out of here.
I cannot stress that enough.

I'm also counting down the days until I get a teaching job for Fall 2009.
I wonder when the universe will grant my wish.

I'm also counting down the days until Thursday. That's graudation day for the hubby.
Yay Hubby! He deserves this badge that he's getting. He's earned it.

Life is GRAND!
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Happy 75th Birthday

to this wonderful woman who decided to share her good looks with me.



I love you Mom!

Life is GRAND!
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5 Years Ago Today

I married my best friend.

It hasn't always been easy for us, but we sure have made it work.
We've muddled through tough times, stormy weathers, and rocky roads.
Yet here we are, still standing strong.

I love you dear Milo. More than words can ever express.
You are my best friend, my companion, and the love of my life.
Thank you for choosing me. I am forever changed because of you.
I look forward to all that is to come. And I am glad I have you (and Jamba and Cash) by my side to share it with.





Life is GRAND!
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Brainstorming

Little Lady K is such a smart woman.
She's totally right! I need a blog that features pics of cakes for orders, etc. I will work on making that happen.

I just need a name first.

Again, suggestions, anyone???

Life is GRAND!
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An Update

As of September, if not sooner, I may not have job.
Actually, it's for sure I won't have a job as the fall months roll in.

Wish me luck.

Prayers are definitely much appreciated as well.

Life is GRAND- because new adventures are waiting for me!
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A Renewed Sense of Hope

It is only mid June.
I know I will have a job by September.
Things have to be looking up.
That's just the way things flow- one minute you're down, the next up.
I know I am definitely on my way up.

Also, I am definitely going to start turning my oven on more frequently.
The bakery is now open for business.
I need to start generating whatever income I can, and this is one way for me to do it.
Please put in orders :)
I do need a name for my side biz though.
Ideas are welcome!

Things are beginning to look up.
I know change is scary. I know that there's a lot of unknown to this.
However, I also do know that we'll be taken care of. We always have been blessed.
And we will continue to be. We just need to have faith.

Life is GRAND!
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You Win Some, You Lose Some

I didn't get the job at St. Catherine's.
He offered it to someone else today.
I'm slightly bummed, but I know that it's not the place for me.
Something else, the right one, will come along.
I just hope it comes along by September- because it looks like I'll be unemployed by then.

I know that things are happening the way they should be, but man, I'm scared.
Way scared.

Life is GRAND- although doubtful sometimes.
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Sometimes I feel like a fool

That I am looking for a job in today's job market.
When I have a perfectly OK one. One that pays my bills.
Granted it may not make me happy, but it does keep me sheltered and feed amongst a few other things.

And now... because of my unwillingness to settle, I find my self in rocky, unstable territory.
UGH!
What to do now??

These are the times when I really wish I had a fairy godmother who would just come and tell me that everything's going to be okay. That I have made all the right choices and that everything will turn out great in the end.

Oh, where are you fairy godmother?

Life is GRAND!
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Insert Clever Title Here

I believe that my boss is already in talks with someone to take over my spot.
The problem with that is that I have nowhere to go. At least for now.

I need a break. Pretty badly.
I'm doing what I can on my end- sending out resumes, interviewing, thinking positively, praying endlessly, etc.

So for now, I'm looking at things to do part time that will help me earn extra income should a low paying teaching job come in.
I am also now trying to start my own event planning business on the side.
Nothing big, just for people who are looking to have a party, but don't have the time to plan it.

Something needs to happen. Some sort of saving grace for me.

Life is GRAND (even though you're unstable sometimes).
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FOCUSING ON THE POSITIVE

Last week found me incredibly down.

Waaaay

d
o
w
n

I think I was at my lowest point (but the funny thing is, everytime I think this, something else happens that makes me think otherwise). I didn't even know how I was going to pull myself out of the depression, worry and anxiety that surrounded me.

Thank goodness for great girlfriends, and a wonderful husband. Because I really believe they're the ones that got me through it.
The teacher, and fro girl helped me out. And Mastermind did too.

After our meeting yesterday, I've decided to just focus all my energy on attracting the positive. Come what may!
I know that since I saw the payscale that the principal showed me, I've been anxious and nervous as to how we'll make it financially. While that's still a concern, it's not the be all, end all. There are other things that I need to think about.

So, in some ways, I've come to a resolution...
If I have to stay where I'm at for one more year (for us to be able to smoothly transition), then so be it. I can start looking for teaching jobs earlier next school year, and I'd be in a better position because I would have been in school already. If I find a teaching job for the Fall 2009 school year that will offer me more financially than what the previous interview did, then great!
Bottom line is that I just have to be open to all possibilities.
Things will work for the best- the way they should.
And I just have to TRUST in that.

Life is GRAND!
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Making the Leap!

So, today, I went on an interview.
It was extremely promising. I had gone in thinking I was being interviewed for a Junior High Teacher position, but it seems that the principal already has someone in mind for that. Someone he met prior to meeting me.
So the outlook on that position seems to not be so good.
However, he did seem extremely interested in hiring me to be a Pre- school teacher. Not my first choice, but a choice nonetheless.
The downside being is that it's really low paying.
OK, make that extremely low paying.
It's about 1/4 of what I'm making now.
It's a little bit disheartening to say the least. However, I do know that the right place and the right position will open itself up to me. I just have to believe and trust that it will happen.
Today, I sent out my resumes to 2 other schools. 1 in Simi Valley, and another in Westlake Village.
Because of how well my interview went today, I am so much more confident in my skills and abilities. The principal told me that I have so much more experience than what I have on paper, and that I'm qualified... because in his own words "you gotta start somewhere right?"
So, yes, I am well on my way to teaching in school this coming school year.
Yes, guys, I am a teacher :)

Life is GRAND!
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Closing a Chapter

Sometime this afternoon, my MIL approached me and asked me to come in to her office. I obliged. Not that I really had a choice :)

We talked shop for a bit, but then the inevitable "talk" happened.

She asked me what my plans are... I asked her if she meant in the long run and she said yes.

And so I did myself and her a favor and told her about my plans about becoming a teacher. I told her this was the reason I was going back to school- to earn my masters and credentials. I told her that I'm grateful for everything she's done for me, but I do believe this is the right step for me because we're planning on starting a family soon, and I want to be able to have time with my children.

She asked me a few basic questions- how are we going to make it financially?
If I'm sure. And then others I cannot remember.
I told her I'm not quite sure of the answers, but that we'd figure it out somehow. That we've always been taken care of, and that I just have to trust and believe that we're going to be okay.

She laid out the rules- told me I cannot tell any talents, nor any vendors. I agreed. I did tell her that I told the Halfie, because after all, she is one of my closest friends. We still have to work out logistics- time frames, etc. but I think we're going to be ok. I know she needed to know so that her business is taken care of, as well as our talents. I would never have taken that right away from her by simply leaving with no more than a few weeks notice.

She told me that she wishes nothing but the best for me, and that she thinks this will be better for both of us. I told her I hope for the same.

So with that, my friends, I have been liberated.
Not fired- because I still have a job and still work here, but I've been given the green light.
Given the green light to pursue my dreams, with no guilt or shame.

BITTERSWEET. That's the word that comes to mind. Bitter because I have met a ton of people, and have enjoyed all the perks and allowances that my job provided (and still continues to provide). Sweet because I feel free- free to live my own life, have a career of my choosing, rather than just living out someone's idea of what my life should be like, and also because I now feel so much more in control of my own destiny. Much more so than I have ever felt.
I am also a wee bit scared- scared that I may not have a job anytime soon. Scared that we may not make it.
HOWEVER, those have have never been options for me. And clearly, they still are not options for me, so I won't indulge. I do however, reserve the right to once in a while vent and air out my frustrations and fear.

But for now, I will bask in the moment. Bask in how peaceful everything came about.
There were no tears, no mean comments, no below the belt remarks. It actually felt like a conversation that we should have had a long time ago. It was a conversation that felt sincere and genuine.
And for that I am grateful. I certainly could not have imagined it going this well, no matter how many times I've replayed this scenario in my head.

I feel that things are progressing. In their own way. Things are happening just as they're supposed to.

Life is GRAND!
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A Re-occuring Feeling.

Sometimes I can't help but feel that I've somehow failed.
Failed that I can't make it and endure what I'm doing now.
Failed because one day I was on top, and then the next, not so much.
I completely fell off the path.
Failed because as a young child, it was always ingrained in me at school that I'm meant for great things.
And somehow, the spot that I'm in now doesn't seem so great.
I think that sometimes I'm really torn between having it all and being happy. I know they're not synonymous.
However, sometimes, like tonight, I have a hard time trying to reconcile the events that have lead me to where I am now. That each event has been a stepping stone to my true self. They are all parts of one, each making room for the other as I progress into reaching my full potential.
While there is no question in my mind about the pursuit of my happiness, I can't help but feel a little sad for what I am leaving behind. The paychecks for one. The glitz and glamour of what I do, another. However, deep down, I know that these things are not part of my core. They are not part of who I truly am. They are simply things that I've used to define myself in the past.
And as I move into this new phase of my life- the one where I have a better sense of who I am, what I want, and who I want to be, I find myself slightly reminiscing about those days where it was simply enough to just have it all. Unfortunately for me, having it all did not mean I would be happy.
And so now, I'm on my journey to happiness. And really, on my journey to becoming me... growing into my own.
As the Brit always says, everything that's happening is just getting me ready for the next step. And I whole heartedly believe in that. Mostly because I've noticed that my priorities have changed immensely. I'm no longer defined by what I have, but rather who I am and what I stand for... even though sometimes, I still get a little lost in the simplicity of the things that used to mean so much more to me.
I know I have to embrace it all. That they are all parts of what make me whole.
It's just really a trip sometimes when I look back, even just a few months ago, when I realize that what was important back then is no longer important now, and vice versa.

Life is GRAND!
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A Little of This, A Little of That

Today wasn't as bad as I imagined it turning out to be.
The Brit had mentioned that I was totally giving off feelings of anxiety and nervousness, which she picked up on this morning at spinning.
I kept it professional. No discussions about my personal life, the hubby... strictly work. It works best for me that way- except I was totally anticipating her bringing up certain things. Thank goodness she didn't.
I think having her there makes me want to find a new job even more. It's like added incentive.
I def hope to find something for the upcoming school year. When I was talking to the Halfie today (AKA The Friend That Got Away), she had mentioned that the thought of me working there for another year, even another month seems too long.
I couldn't agree more.
I am just trying to get along though. I need to get along so that I can move on. I cannot wait.
When I wake up in the morning, I have to gear myself up for the day- for all the pretending that I have to do. At the end of the day, I am exhausted. Unfortunately, 5 days out of the week, the cycle just repeats itself.
I just have to keep consoling myself with the thought that things will get better, and that I will eventually be moving on.
It also doesn't hurt that I have a loving husband who stands by me.
We make a great team, he and I. I am incredibly lucky to have him in my life.

He passed his final today. Yay! Graduation is 17 days away.
I am so incredibly proud of him.

Life is GRAND!
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

To The Teacher :)
We love you Megs!



Life is GRAND!
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