Monday, April 27, 2009

My Journey to Finding Me

Needless to say, the events of last week rocked me to my core- and that is saying the least. I've said it before, and I will say it again, life, after the dust settles will no longer be the same. Too many hurtful words have been said, and of course, the wounds now run deep.
Last week, and all through the weekend, I was desperately trying to pull myself out of the funk that set in. I prayed and prayed and asked for signs that all will be well. And I did receive. I received numerous signs. Yet, I still had my doubts, mainly because my whole life was just turned upside down.
The biggest revelation I had was at church on Saturday night. The bishop said (in so many words) "To find out who you really are."
And what I'm realizing is this...
*That the me before, the younger me, is totally different from the woman I am becoming. That the things I valued then are totally different from the things I value now.
And it's scary. Scary because I am changing right before my very own eyes.
The glitz and glamour of what I do for a living, no longer appeal to me. It simply is not me anymore. I am looking for something far simpler. Definitely something a lot less complicated.
Which has lead me to this...
I am on the cusp of going back to school. A master's degree as well as my teaching credentials are waiting for me.
But even though I have my heart set on this, I still feel a tug. A pull from the life I used to live. Mainly because that life was easy (except for a few minor set backs like the one from last week). That life had job security, steady income, and totally provided me with a way more than comfortable lifestyle.

So the question becomes... Is the money worth compromising my happiness?
Of course, the obvious answer is NO. And most days, the answer is NO.
But sometimes, I wonder just how much I'm giving up. And really, will it be all worth it?

My friend Mikey reminded me of this today- from the one line he remembers from the whole book (Of Mice and Men)...
"The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry."

And that's exactly what's happened to me. Total chaos.
But yet, there's excitement brewing in the air.

Changes are a-comin'!

Life is GRAND!
Super Panda

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